A Taste of Britain

So I'm done school for the semester and I think it's the first time in my life that I'm actually sad to say good-bye to school for the Christmas holidays. That's how awesome this program is. I miss everyone already.

Anyways, today I did the last of my Christmas shopping and, since it is a Monday, the mall wasn't too busy. It was bustlier (Webster take note of that one) than a Monday in, say... February, but it was still relatively normal. As I walked into that little store called "A Taste of Britain" an overwhelming instinct came over me and I couldn't stop myself from using my British accent. While my British accent is actually not too bad, it was very strange to me that I couldn't control my use of it. When I went to make my purchase, the lady behind the counter (who wasn't British by-the-way) grinned at me and nodded as if with some twisted kind of approval that I was "British" and I had bestowed upon her the greatest honour of shopping in her little store. Just imagine her little old face if she ever found out that I was an imposter. She would be crushed! Funny, yet slightly sad at the same time.

Aside from that, it's an adorable little store. I love everything in there (save for one or two things) and it just has a great feeling about it. It just makes me want to move to Britain (specific place as yet undecided) all the more. However, I did run into something that I think should never exist even in it's original form, let alone a "canned" version. As if someone can't bear to spend all that time making it from scratch (which is really where the charm of it lies, am I right?) but they need it not only immediately, but they need to be able to store it indefinitely for emergency uses. Behold, readers, canned Scottish Haggis:



As you can see, it is traditional haggis made with the finest ingredients. In case you are unfamiliar with this succulent dish, the recipe includes a sheep's heart, liver, and lungs cooked inside the sheep's stomach (or the bladder if you prefer, because haggis isn't gross enough already). It's skinless as well, which makes no sense unless evolution has somehow given sheep the ability to grow skin on their lungs.

Luckily, I soon after found the shortbread and English toffee, and the urge to hurl all over the Manchester United pennants quickly subsided.

I really think I was born in the wrong country. God save the Queen and all that.



That was Rowan Atkinson, obviously. Pride of England.

Oh yeah, Christmas is in five days. That's pretty sweet. I'm doing my Christmas baking over the next few days. That should be fun. I'm surprised every year when I actually take on the task of Christmas baking because throughout the rest of the year, I'm quite possible the most horrendous cook you will ever... read the blog of... Right. Well, let's just call it Christmas magic that I haven't killed anyone yet.

Pip pip.

M'Colleague

I would like to share something with everyone. I would like to introduce you to someone who you should already know but I won't judge you too harshly if you don't. I would like you to come to know the incredible awesomeness of the wonderful and fine and darling and beautifully vulgar and fluffy and silly and elloquent and intelligent and marvelously British... Stephen Fry.



Now, you may know of Stephen Fry either through your own wonderful discovery or through my enthusiasm of his best friend in the whole wide world, Hugh Laurie. Or maybe you don't, and you will now let me educate you. OK, I'm not going to be doing The Biography Channel presents Stephen Fry here, so you can look up the gritty details on your own, and you will want to.

Here's a good documentary on the history of Fry & Laurie. It's all about their friendship (or as I like to call the ultimate bromance) and their history as a comedy team. Here.

So, I would just like to share some videos of the genius that is Stephen Fry (and a bit of Hugh Laurie) with you.

I'll start by sharing a clip from "A Bit of Fry and Laurie". Stephen is well-known for his complete mastery of the English language and often spoofs his image as a pretentious Brit (which he absolutely isn't). Here he is in a sketch with Hugh making fun of language:



Hugh and Stephen are also famous for their blatant use of sexual innuendo in their sketches in order to get around the censors. While most of their sketches use it in some way, here's the epitome of double entendre sketches:



Stephen and Hugh are also known for their sketches being some of the most random, yet completely hilarious, in British sketch-comedy history. Here is one that I think is one of Stephen's funniest, and most random, sketches:



After they finished "A Bit of Fry and Laurie" and moved on to bigger things, Stephen made Wilde which remains his most famous and acclaimed film role. He plays Oscar Wilde in the biopic and is fabulous. Stephen doesn't really do many films (other than supporting roles) any more, which is a shame. Here's Wilde:



Recently, Stephen does more documentary series' for the BBC than anything else (that and being one of the most prominent Twitter personalities, voicing audiobook versions of works like Harry Potter, and being on top of everything to do with technology). One of the ones I haven't seen but want to is Stephen Fry in America. Here's a clip:



Stephen is a vocal proponent of censorship, particularly of swearing. Here's his brilliant explanation:



Lately, like I said, his major motion picture presence is mostly cameos and supporting roles (as he is a supremely busy man). One of his most recent was in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland superbly voicing the Cheshire Cat:



He is also a very proud and passionate defender of his beliefs. Here he is supporting the negative side of a debate about whether the Catholic church is a force for good in the world. He is a brilliant orator, a truly magnificent mind, and possesses a gift for reason and rational thinking. I know this video is long, but you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you don't watch it.


The Intelligence² Debate - Stephen Fry (Unedited)


Well, I think he's just marvelous. Some of his other credits that I didn't include but could have included his hilarious role as General/Lord Melchett (among others) in "Blackadder", his recurring role on the TV series "Bones" and numerous other films.

Here's something to look forward to! He will be playing Sherlock's older brother Mycroft Holmes in the sequel to Sherlock Holmes opposite Robert Downey Jr. which they are currently filming! You can imagine just how elated I am!

Love live Stephen Fry and his lovable Fry-ness.

Baaaah!

Christmas Corrupts: An Exposé

So I was thinking about nothing the other day, and I realized that it would be more productive to think of something. I came up with this post.

Christmas time is frequently thought of as (if you celebrate Christmas) a joyous time of year, filled with family, gifts, songs, decorations, and (less often) actual religion. If you don't celebrate it, it's just freaking annoying. But I celebrate Christmas and I've always loved this time of year. However, during this particular brainstorm of mine that sprung from boredom (don't they always?), I realized that there sure are a whole lot of downsides (not including the religious ones) to this holiday and everything that comes with it. Here's my list of things that Christmas has corrupted:

1. The Name "Rudolph" Has Completely Died Out

Right, so this is really a shame. No more are parents naming their young sons (or daughters, to each his own) Rudolph for fear that they will get beaten up on the playground for being "Santa's little b*tch". Wait, 8-year-olds don't really use that word, do they? OK, maybe they'll just have to sit through other 8-year-olds singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" year round, and that's just unpleasant for everybody. Heaven for bid they should catch a cold and their nose actually does get red. Oh the humanity! Anyways, the distinguished and somewhat decent name, Rudolph, has been reduced to a song, a stop-motion animated children's movie, various greeting cards, and millions upon millions of seasonal kindergarten craft projects. A darn shame.


Rudolph Valentino. Ruined forever by a reindeer...

2. Real Home Invasions Ignored By Children

Say a little munchkin on Christmas eve has just fallen asleep with sugar-plums dancing in their head and the whole shebang. Say the parents are also completely asleep with credit-card balances dancing in their heads. Say this young family's house doesn't have an alarm system. Tisk tisk. Say an evil gang of burglars (named Grinchy, Salty, and Scope) breaks a window and tumbles their fat behinds in through the window making a modest racket. Say the parents are heavy sleepers and don't hear a thing. Say the little tot wakes up, hears the noise of obvious human motion downstairs, but falls back a sleep with a huge grin on their face because "Santa's coming tonight" (and he is somehow theoretically exempt from breaking-and-entering or trespassing). So now, Grinchy, Salty, and Scope are the new owners of a MacBook, digital camera, cappucino maker, several sweaters, and a plethora of Justin Beiber themed merchandise, all neatly packaged in red and green.


Pictured: a practiced criminal.

3. Mall Santas

I have been thinking about this for a while now and for the life of me I can't see anything redeemable about mall Santas. Honestly, I can't even think of one thing that could possibly justify their existence. They basically exist so that parents can dress up their offspring in ridiculously shiny or velvety outfits and stuff them kicking and screaming onto the lap of an old guy in a red suit for a single photo that they can pass around at their family Christmas party and say "look how darn cute this is" while everyone rolls their eyes. Now that isn't even a pro, but here are the cons:
- Those mall Santas get minumum wage and have to sit in a hot Santa suit dealing with snotty children all day for the good part of two or three straight weeks. Plus, some are probably pedophiles, in which case, they probably like their job...
- The kids involved in this horrendous practice in culture don't enjoy it either. They are either too young to even know what's happening and go through the entire ordeal screaming as if their world was caving in on them, or they are old enough to know that it isn't the real Santa because there is one at every single mall they go to (plus countless different ones on TV) so they have lost all interest in these imposters.
- Those photos are grossly overpriced.
Let's face it, the world would be better (not even happier or more harmonious, just better) if they didn't exist.


Pure evil.

4. Reindeer Are Seen As Silly, Prancing Sled-Animals

This whole Christmas thing has de-butch-ified Reindeer to the point where nobody can take them seriously anymore. If you tell any children, foreigners, or idiots that reindeer are real animals, they'll look at you in shock and say "wait, so those antlered things that fly Santa around are real?!" I just feel sorry for all of those hardcore reindeer herds that live in the arctic if they ever hear about their stigma, they'll just never live it down. They aren't dangerous or anything but they certainly don't wear bells all the time and have silly names like "Prancer", "Cupid", or "Blitzen". I just have to say that Santa's reindeer must all be either females or castrated males because male reindeer lose their antlers in the winter. So reindeer in the Santa context have had their manhood taken away both literally and hypothetically.


Ridiculous vs. not ridiculous.

5. A Sub-Par Genre of Entertainment

Anytime an actor has found that they are no longer A-list (and quite possibly no longer B or C-list) they are really restricted to Lifetime or Hallmark movies, narrating documentaries, or (you guessed it) Christmas movies. The Christmas movie market has become one of those genres that gets put somewhere between slasher flicks and porn. Producing such gems as Eve's Christmas and Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus, these are the films that actors make just before they finally do "Dancing With The Stars". I, of course, am not referring to the big-budget Christmas movies that Hollywood spits out once a year (like Polar Express or The Grinch) but you know the movies of which I speak (type) of. Frankly, if this genre didn't exist, these sub-par actors would never be seen or heard of again, which is where we want them. Yes, Steve Guttenberg, I'm talking to you. The same goes for the music industry. Haven't released an album in a while and you're afraid you'll drop off the face of the map completely? Release a Christmas album! You'll remain in people's periferals (although slightly irritatingly) until you can release that virtuoso album that has been 10 years in the works. Good luck with that.


Just go away.

Isn't Christmas magical?

Poof.

Snow Means Christmas Is Coming, Right?

Right, so... don't be mad but... I couldn't do what I said I would do in my last post...
I have a good excuse though! I never actually got any phonecalls for anybody in the last ten days. That sounds really sad actually. Rephrase that. I never got any telemarketer-type phonecalls in the last ten days. So, therefore, I couldn't use any of them. I was going to wait a bit longer to see if I could use them, but I have stuff I want to talk about, so I didn't want to wait any longer.

In order to satisfy your curiosity and somehow redeem my record of keeping my promises (which, so far, is probably about 0 for 90), I will transcribe a conversation as it might have occurred using my imagination. Enjoy.

*phone rings*
Me: Hellooo?
Them: Good afternoon, may we speak with [my Dad's name]?
Me: He's actually not here. He's trying to win a bet with himself to prove that he can go for a week without using a telephone. He'd like me to mention that he will take communication in the form of Morse code or, if you so desire, binary.
Them: OK...
Me: Oh, wait one second... OK, he says he can also take singing telegrams, banners flown behind biplanes, or two coffee cans connected with a string.
Them: Right... Should we call back around this time next week?
Me: Technically, the bet ends next Wednesday around 8:15 pm. I should warn you though, if he loses the bet, the punishment is another week without a phone.
Them: What about e-mail?
Me: Hold on... Yeah, he says that's OK. However...
*they hang up*

Sounds about right.

So on November 16, 2010, Calgary got it's very first major snowfall of the season. That's quite possibly the latest that winter has settled into this city and it certainly throws off the biological calendar. I almost don't feel Canadian anymore... OK, that's a lie. I love being Canadian. Oh, except for that internet geo-blocking thing. That kinda sucks.

We've now crossed the halfway point of November and we're venturing into that time of the year that is frequently known as "that time of the year". That's right; it's Christmas season. Two nights ago, I cracked open my "My Music" folder on my PC and whipped out my Christmas music! Some say it's too early, and I agree. There are just a few songs that I really enjoy and since there is only a small window of time at the end of the year in which I can enjoy them, I figured I could jump the gun a bit. Just don't tell anyone. I'll share one per post with you until Christmas. Here's the first:

Sting - "Soul Cake"



I will also take this chance to announce a new project that is (to use industry lingo) "in development". I am currently working on an adaptation of the book "How to be an Alien" by George Mikes into a web series; each chapter being an episode or (to use random internet lingo) a webisode. It's a fairly famous book, I suggest you look it up. I bought my copy (a 1974 edition) for like... a dollar at the U of C library. Best impulse buy ever.

Alright. On with your life.

Pip pip.

Tele-Communications

So, I like to mess with people. Particularly strangers because I can embarrass myself to enormous lengths and not have to worry about ever seeing them again. I have tried in the past to mess with people via the internet and share it with you, but that didn't turn out as I had hoped. Those losers didn't reply to me.

*Sets aside bitterness*

I've decided to pursue a more direct form of confrontation. Not confrontation, per say, but abnormally hooliganistic communication. I've decided to give the following responses to telemarketers and others when they call for either of my parents. Those people are just doing their jobs, so I'm not going to get all angry at them or whatever, but I'd like to brighten their day (or at least oddly amuse them) while they go about their universally irritating occupation. I have written each of these responses myself, and will be in response to the presumed introductory question: "Hello, is [insert my parents' full names here] there?"

1. I'm sorry, he's on a hot air balloon trip collecting samples of altostratus clouds.

2. I'm afraid she's not here. She's away at a finely crafted tupperware and plastic utensil convention.

3. He's actually not here. He's trying to win a bet with himself to prove that he can go for a week without using a telephone. He'd like me to mention that he will take communication in the form of Morse code or, if you so desire, binary.

4. He's not available at the moment. He's spending the next five days deciding whether or not he wants to continue using your company for [insert the service they provide]. It's not looking good, I'm afraid. My condolences.

5. Sorry, but she's taking lobster trapping lessons in Maine.

OK, that's good enough. I intend on using each and every one of these before my next blog post so I can give you an accurate play-by-play as to their reaction. I'm not expecting it to be all that eventful, but who knows. The pronouns are interchangeable in the examples by-the-way. I'm not sure who they'll call for. If they call for me, that will make those replies so much funnier. Not explicably funnier, but more inside-jokey.

Alrighty people, I look forward to updating you.

Tschüss.

C.R.A.Z.Y.

A conversation with my mom while watching Annie (1982):

Mom: I love Yul Brynner.
Me: That's not Yul Brynner.
Mom: I thought this was Annie.
Me: This is Annie, but that's not Yul Brynner. It's Albert Finney.
Mom: I'm thinking of another version then. This is the best version. No wait. The best version is the one with Carol Burnett.
Me: This is the one with Carol Burnett.
Mom: Oh.

It was a good conversation. My immediate thoughts were "Dear God, there have been way too many versions of Annie made for both stage and screen", and then I realized I didn't really know all the versions of Annie, so I had no place to criticize her confusion. However, she had been watching the movie for over an hour. She should have realized that this was the version with Carol Burnett. Oh, and Yul Brynner was never in any version of Annie. Thought I'd clear that up.

Good news. The good people over at the SAIT security office have recovered my USB Flash Drive for me, complete with door key thing and candle charms. My faith in life has been restored. Or rather, the SAIT security team has become worthy of my faith. Now all of you can breathe. All is right with the universe.

So I went to Edmonton this weekend.
Edmonton is like the less successful older brother of Calgary. It's jealous and bitter over the utter awesomeness and sheer over-the-moon successfulness of Calgary and it just sits up there in the north wallowing in self-pity, wondering if it'll ever achieve the same greatness. Which it won't because it doesn't have the ambition or determination of it's southerly younger sibling.
Too bad Edmonton, we had such high hopes for you, but we Calgarians are too busy being cooler than you that we don't really have the time or energy to care.

Oh, and go support Canadian entertainment by renting, buying, or legally downloading C.R.A.Z.Y. It's a beyond amazing French Canadian movie. If you are too lazy to read subtitles, I suggest you get off your high-horse and absorb some Canadian arts gosh-darnit! Even if it is French...




























And if Marc-Andre Grondin isn't adorable in this movie, then I don't know what adorable is. Who knows, maybe I don't.






















Good night ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to bed, but feel free to keep the party going. Please finish the wine, as my fridge is packed full of Diet Coke, english muffins, seedless grapes, and poppers.

Night.

Bring It On, Google. Bring. It. On.

It's been a bit since my last post, but since I flooded you last month, I took a break. Mostly to write screenplays, do schoolwork, generally avoid all social interaction aside from classmates and immediate family, and misplace my USB drive.

Speaking of which...

LOST

Jackie's USB Flash Drive












If any of you see this valuable possession, please message me. It contains some important and classified* files that I need immediately.

Defining Characteristics:
- on a keyring with some candle charms and a little magnetic key device
- 16GB Staples brand
- probably sporting an expression of sadness and bewilderment due to the fact that it is now homeless (or perhaps in the hands of a thieving stranger, in which case you should use assault-level force in order to retrieve it.

Reward: I'm broke, so all I can offer you is my endless and unconditional friendship. However, if you are a dude, I am not above making out with you for a bit. The USB is THAT important.


Anyways, on with the subject of today. I am venturing into a little investigation into Google's suggestion mechanism. When you type in a letter or a word, it will show you suggestions that also start with that letter or word. I haven't figured out what fuels these suggestions. It can't be the most popular or the most recent, so I'm not sure. If you know, please let me in on the secret. You may remember that I did one experiment in a previous post "Why Can't I Own A Canadian?", but I figured it needed further exploration. If you type 'why' into Google, it still comes up with that result. At least when I do it...

OK, here goes:

















Forget about Osama Bin Laden. Forget Carmen San Diego (even though she is the shiz). I wanna know where Matt is! Somebody tell me where Matt is! Good Lord, maybe Google knows...


















I bet he's sitting in front of his iMac, Googling himself; right before the internet crashes under his heavy stare.


















What I love best about this one, is just how close the two searches "world of warcraft" and "world health club" are to each other. To me, those two seem like opposite goals.


















I often use Google to find out what time it is. In this day and age, chances are there is someone else in my time zone, at this exact moment, using Yahoo Answers to ask yet another person in my time zone, at this exact moment, what time it is. Right now.

















Losing an iPhone, frustrating. Losing an Alberta Health Card, a big hassle. Losing your voice, unpleasant. Losing a baby? I think in some circles, that's called a misdemeanor. If you don't look for your baby after you lose it? My cop friends call that a felony. Don't worry, I don't think the cops will go the felony route. You did look for it, after all. Using Google.

OK, that's enough for now. I win Google patrons. I win.

Ogle.

* They aren't actually classified files. I just figure that people will look harder for it if they think they can look on my drive and find documents about how Megan Fox is actually a cyborg run by the CIA to infiltrate the Hollywood studio system.

Dictionary Experiment

Wow, I'm on a roll. Three posts in four days. I think this should make up for my serious neglect earlier this year. Yes, I think it does.

So, I was in bed last night in that Twilight Zone type state right in between wake and sleep and I got an idea. It was probably because I had just finished reading a chapter of Stephen King's genius book On Writing. Anyway, he wrote quite proficiently and passionately about vocabulary and gave a very elloquent and convincing argument against the use of gratuitous large words (which that sentence is a strangely coincidental example of...). Basically he said your reader shouldn't need to have a dictionary handy in order to read your book. So I've decided to conduct an experiment that takes his advice a little too far. This way, no one will ever need a dictionary because the definitions are in the story. Here's a little story of mine, replacing the words with their definitions.

As I succeeded in arriving on the large motor vehicle (having a long body, equipped with seats or benches for passengers, usually operating as part of a scheduled service) on this present day, there was an amusingly small female who was far advanced in the years of her life, resting with the body supported by the buttocks or thighs on one of the adjacently oriented places that are designed to support a person in a sitting position. She was not large as compared with others of the same kind and rounded in form. She seemed to the eye as slightly curious because the only facial cosmetics she possessed the characteristics of on the front part of her head (from the forehead to the chin) was a shade or comparative darkness, in a colour between white or black, around the organs of sight. To be genuine or unadulterated, I have an opinion that you ought not to have on the person habitually, a shade or comparative darkness (in a colour between white and black) around the organs of sight, if you have keratinous filaments growing from the skin also in a colour between white and black. It doesn't operate effectively. She also maintained the action of casting brief looks at me. I, in all likelihood, seemed to the eye not alike in character or quality because I had a shade or comparative darkness, in a dark tertiary colour with a yellowish or reddish hue, around the organs of sight. Upon the time that she stood into an erect position in order to depart and move away from the the large motor vehicle (having a long body, equipped with seats or benches for passengers, usually operating as part of a scheduled service), I kept from the knowledge of anyone that I felt a need or desire for her to suddenly impede or catch her foot so as to throw her down. That may convey the certain impression when read to be ill-willed or malicious, but she was robustly built and she wouldn't have damaged or decreased the efficiency of herself upon the action. I merely felt a need or desire to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement. I haven't assumed a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement on a large motor vehicle (having a long body, equipped with seats or benches for passengers, usually operating as part of a scheduled service) in a beyond normal or moderate period or interval of duration. Markedly since the previous most recent occasion that I had occupied a place on a large motor vehicle (having a long body, equipped with seats or benches for passengers, usually operating as part of a scheduled service) I became afflicted with a very unpleasant slice-like wound on the end of the bone in the bend or joint of my arm between the upper arm and forearm.

I think that was supposed to make a lot more sense when I thought of it last night. I got a kick out of it. I have also generated some level of respect for the people who "write" dictionaries. Not a lot, but a bit.

Blurb.

Stick It On Shuffle

My iPod that is.
That's right. It's ANOTHER music themed post.
Don't worry, I'll mix it up later with a marathon of movie themed posts, or posts that each include seven instances of the phrase "in flagrante".

Every time I get new music, I listen to it on a loop for a few weeks. Once I get tired of it, I usually go searching for more new music. However, sometimes when I don't have time to get new music, I just put my whole iPod on shuffle and listen to all of the old music that I have. As I was doing this the other day, I realized that there are certain songs that I NEVER skip over in the shuffle. Most of them I do, but there are certain ones that I always stop to listen to. I will list them here, while experimenting with html audio embedding code (oh yeah, I'm that good).

The thing I found most interesting is that the songs that I always stop to listen to aren't even my favourite songs. Sure, I obviously enjoy them, but this list would not be equivalent to a top (insert relevant number) favourite songs list (if I ever make one). They are just songs that I find catchy or fun that I like listening to on city transit as I go to school.

OK, here we go.

1. Homecoming - Kanye West Feat. Chris Martin



OK, so I'm not a Kanye West fan, but I am a Chris Martin fan and the piano in this song is sublime.

2. Set The Fire To The Third Bar - Snow Patrol Feat. Martha Wainwright



One of the best musical collaborations I've ever heard.

3. American Baby - Dave Matthews Band



It's strange that this song is the one Dave Matthews Band song that I never skip as it's not even close to my favourite DMB song. I think it's the violin plucking that does it.

4. Sea Lion Woman - Feist



Also not really a favourite song of mine. It's just got something about it that I never get tired of.

5. Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons



Mumford & Sons is the pride of my personal favourite musical discoveries as they are brilliant, and this song is awesome. I also love the use of swears in songs when it's not gratuitous (take THAT entire rap community!).

6. The Hardest Part - Coldplay



Again, not even close to my favourite Coldplay song, but it's the one that keeps coming back. Actually this one almost ties with Violet Hill and Postcards From Far Away as Coldplay songs that I don't skip over, but Hardest Part just edged those two out.

7. Crystal Ball - Keane



It's pretty catchy and I always remember the music video, which I love.

8. Holiday - Green Day



I think I'm a closet rocker. This song comes on and I just wanna pump my fist, wear chainlink belts, and think about ways to piss off my parents.

9. Ruby Blue - Roisin Murphy



Bit of an obscure choice, but it's a twisted and fun little b**ch of a song. Sweet.

10. Things Have Changed - Bob Dylan



This song is the exception to the rule, as it is probably one of my all-time favourite songs. I almost put favourite song, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, even though it's probably the truth.

All done.

Album Art

Waddya know? Another music-themed post.
Deal with it.

Here are a few of the album covers that I really love. I won't comment on them, you should just understand why I like them. Seriously.
Note #1: These are only ones that I have on hand at the moment (meaning I happen to have them handy on my iPod or something), so it's hardly a complete list.
Note #2: So this list may or may not be a Volume I type thing.
Note #3: You'll probably sense a pattern of some sort, and will be able to judge what type of album art I find enjoyable. If you care.
Note #4: They aren't in any order.

1. Funeral - Arcade Fire





















2. Audioslave - Audioslave





















3. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles






















4. Forgiveness Rock Record - Broken Social Scene




















5. O - Damien Rice




















6. Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King - Dave Matthews Band





















7. Veckatimest - Grizzly Bear




















8. Myths of the Near Future - Klaxons





















9. Sigh No More - Mumford & Sons





















10. Eyes Open - Snow Patrol





















There. 10 seems like a nice round number.

Ten.

My E-Mail To Marble Slab

So about a week ago, I was incredibly bored. When I'm incredibly bored, I tend to do things that most people would find embarassing or just plain silly. I sent an e-mail to the good people over at Marble Slab (you know, the ice cream company). I waited about a week or so for a reply and never got one. I'm not really surprised as it just screams "I'm bored and I feel like bugging people". I used an alias name and e-mail address that I will probably continue to use to entertain myself in the future. Here's that e-mail. If I ever get a reply, I will edit this post to include it, but my hopes are rather low at this point.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would just like to express my gratitude to your company for providing such an essential, and not to mention delicious, service to my community with your finely crafted (and often finely sculpted) gourmet ice cream; and to mention how it has personally touched my life.
Not last weekend, I found myself walking aimlessly through my neighbourhood outdoor shopping metropolis after seeing a particularly unsettling 10pm showing of "MacGruber". All I could think about was how much I missed the days when my great uncle's hands could work well enough to create the incredible devices that MacGruber is so skillfully able to, and I got sad. While thinking about my great uncle, I remembered how much he liked ice cream with his birthday cake, but every time his birthday rolled around he could never afford to get both ice cream and birthday cake so he had to painfully choose between them. For the last three and a half years, we've celebrated his birthday twice a year because his dementia is setting in and he often forgets that we already celebrated his birthday.
Anyways, on this night, I wanted to cheer myself up by going to a particular franchise of Marble Slab and treat myself to an ice cream cone. Shockingly, before last weekend, I had never been to a Marble Slab establishment before and I was ecstaticly surprised by the immense variety and uniqueness of the options that were presented to me. Frankly, it took me nearly twenty-eight minutes of staring at all of my choices before the small-eyed girl behind the counter told me that I was holding up the line and that I should probably choose something soon. It was then that I noticed the Birthday Cake Ice Cream. I nearly cried.
I would like to thank you for creating such an innovative and ingenious ice cream flavour. I can't believe nobody has thought of combining ice cream and cake before. On my great uncle's next birthday (four weeks from Saturday) he will be getting a mounding dark chocolate waffle cone full of birthday cake ice cream with Skor bits and frozen raspberries mixed in. I have no doubt that he will be overjoyed, perhaps even enough to reverse his bone-loss and allow him to use his hands to finish his life-size model of the Blue Nose.
The reason I am writing is to make a polite creative suggestion. I think you should add another Tasty Creation to the board entitled "The Ultimate Uncle Angus" which would consist of the recipe I have mentioned above, obviously in honour of my dear Uncle Angus. You may feel free to credit me on the board as the inventor.
Please let me know if you want to incorporate this new treat as I need to know when I can inform my family, friends, and work colleagues of this development.

Sincerest Regards,
My Alias Name

Let's Examine Popular Club Music, Shall We?

Recently, I've been listening to a bunch of club-type songs of late. I don't know why exactly, I guess I just enjoy the "thumpa-thumpa". I noticed a few common themes within these songs. Most of them quite predictable, but unsettling nonetheless. I would like to explore some of these songs and give my take on each of them.

One common observation: Apparently, club song writers are not fans of monogamy, or really any form of long term relationship.

Song: "I Like It" by Enrique Iglesias Feat. Pitbull

Lyric Sample:
Girl please excuse me if I'm coming too strong,
But tonight is a night we can really let go.
My girlfriend's out of town and I'm all alone.
Your boyfriend's on vacation and he doesn't have to know.
No oh oh. Oh oh.
No one can do the things I'm gonna wanna do to you.
No oh oh. Oh oh.
Shout it out. Scream it out. Let me hear you go...

Ahh, nothing says club song like condoning infidelity. Frankly, I don't even think they allow songs to be played in clubs unless they mention anonymous heterosexual sex with random strangers after groping them on the dance floor.

Favourite Auto-Tune Moment:
Don't stop baby. Don't stop baby.
Just keep on shaking along.
I won't stop baby. Won't stop baby.
Until you get enough.

If anything can make Enrique sound like a warbled Michael Jackson, it's the auto-tuner.

Favourite Lyrics:
It's a different species. Get me in DC.
Let's party on the White House lawn.
Tiger Woods tired of Jesse James.
Here goes Pitbull all night long.
Pick up Barack and Michelle, let 'em know that it's on.

What do Tiger Woods and Jesse James have to do with a party on the White House lawn? I spy name-dropping.

Video:


A seemingly all-girls dance club: check. Gratuitous lingerie pillow fight: check. Enrique sticking his finger down some chick's cleavage: check. Looks like a club song video to me!

Song: "If I Had You" by Adam Lambert

Lyric Sample:
Girls in stripper heels, boys rollin' in Maseratis,
what they need in this world is some love.
There's a thin line 'tween a wild time and a flat line, baby tonight.
It's a struggle. Gotta rumble tryin' to find it.

So it's not about promiscuity, but he's basically saying (while alluding to sexual orientation ambiguity) that he wants to party as hard as be possibly can without ending up in the city morgue (or the next Lindsay Lohan). Good luck with that Adam. I prefer being home by 8pm and doing crossword puzzles in my pajamas.

Favourite Auto-Tune Moment:
Yeah, if I had you,
Y-y-y-y-y-you,
Y-y-y-y-y-you,
Y-y-y-y-y-you.

Profound, yes? I actually don't mind this part as it pretty much makes the song.

Favourite Lyrics:
So I got my boots on, got the right 'mount of leather,
and I'm doing me up with a black color liner,
and I'm workin' my strut but I know it don't matter.
All we need in this world is some love.

I love this part because he takes his sassy time describing his leather and his man-liner and his killer walk but he attempts to negate this shallowness with the last line. That's pretty much the whole song.

Video:



Beware epileptics and drama-queen-phobes. I actually quite like this music video, but the blatant Sony product placement at the beginning kinda ruins it.

Song: "DJ Got Us Fallin In Love Again" Usher Feat. Pitbull

Lyric Sample:
Hands up, and suddenly we all got our hands up.
No control of my body.
Ain't I seen you before?
I think I remember those eyes.

Not only does he have no control over his female groping ways, he doesn't remember whether or not he has previously groped this particular female. Trust me, he doesn't recognize her by her eyes, I don't care what this song says.

Favourite Auto-Tune Moment:
Gonna set the roof on fire,
gonna burn this motherf***er down down down,
down d-down down.

That's fairly violent. He's also not very creative. Wow, covering an explicit curseword by warping the auto-tune! What next? Saying his own name out loud at the beginning of every song? Oh wait... he already does that.

Favourite Lyrics:
In the cover of the music, get naked baby,
I'm sorry chica, better holla at Tyronne.
Let him know how I jump through your froot loop,
scolla chica two-can.

Who is this "Pitbull" rapper person, and why is he getting in all these songs? I don't even think he's speaking a real language. I hope Kellogg's paid handsomely for this name-drop. It's not often that breakfast cereals get club song mentions.

Video:



The video version has different lyrics for Pitbull. No clue why. He does look like quite the douche though. I do wish that people could dance in slo-mo reverse in real life. How cool would that be?

Song: "Rude Boy" by Rihanna

Lyric Sample:
Come here rude boy, boy, can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy, is you big enough?
Take it, take it, baby, baby.
Take it, take it, love me, love me.

That's right folks; and you thought gross sexual insensitivity in songs was only ever directed towards women. Rihanna has broken the mold by describing what she wants in a man (obviously just for one thing) followed swiftly by her demand that he love her. Well played, sweetheart...

Favourite Auto-Tune Moment:
What I wa-wa-want is what you wa-wa-want.
Na-na.

If that part ISN'T actually auto-tuned, then her voice just hit it's nasally peak.

Favourite Lyrics:
Tonight, I'mma let you be a rider.
Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up babe.

Wow, comparing sex to riding a horse. Club song writers must just pull these ideas from a list of about 20 genre standards to get THIS level of creativity.

Video:



I had to try very, very hard to watch this video all the way through. For two reasons: involuntary eye-popping (from my brain exploding due to the excessive and highly saturated use of colour) and voluntary eye-popping (wanting to claw out my eyes from having to sit through nearly four minutes of Rihanna shaking her "junk").

OK, that's it for now. Just remember for the future: there is no such thing as a new or original club song. I refer to the genre as recycled music intent on degrading human beings to the most shallow of species.

Pop.

Things That (I'm Sure) Famous People Have Thought At Some Point Or Another

I'm not talking about any particular famous person. These are just thoughts that I imagine somebody famous has had run through their mind at some point or another.

1. I want Daniel Day-Lewis' agent... and his talent... and his accent.

2. I can't believe that person just walked up to me and grabbed my ass. I probably shouldn't have kneed him in the nads. Good thing I paid off those Saks Fifth Avenue employees so they won't sell the story to US Weekly.

3. Is that my face on that backpack? That's disconcerting.

4. If I pretend to talk into my cell phone and say my own name really loudly several times, people will probably realize who I am and let me go to the front of the Yogen Früz line.

5. I'm pretty sure that pigeon recognizes me.

6. Wearing dark sunglasses will conceal my identity enough to allow me to go into Wal-Mart unnoticed. I certainly don't want people thinking that I shop at Wal-Mart.

7. I don't feel like wearing underwear today. I'm only going out for a quick drink.

8. How much does it cost to go into space? I hope the International Space Station has cable. I don't want to miss the season finale of America's Got Talent.

9. This interviewer is kind of hot. Maybe if I get teary-eyed about my last break-up and "confide" in her after the camera's are off, she'll "confide" in me later.

10. I really should have tipped that bellboy. I think he told the maid to steal my Golden Globe.

11. I hate it when I have to do an interview for Entertainment Weekly and they run the story on the cover. I love reading Entertainment Weekly in public and I don't want people to think I'm reading about myself.

12. Is that Scorsese getting Starbucks? I wonder... If I pay for his double tall mocha latte, would he give me a part in his next picture as Leo DiCaprio's love interest or decoy love interest?

13. It sure is a long drive to the studio from my mansion. I don't really mind it though, as it allows approximately 40 people every trip to see me driving my convertible in Los Angeles and then tweet "I just saw _________ driving her convertible in Los Angeles and I waved and she waved back!" to all of their followers.

14. I would give Lindsay Lohan my Oscar if I could guest star on Glee.

15. If I sing the anthem at the next Yankees game, will I get season tickets which I can then use to bribe Scorsese for a part in his next Leo DiCaprio picture?

16. Where the hell did this Justin Beiber kid come from and why is he stealing my fans?

17. I think my make-up artist is trying to kill me.

That's it.

One Way Tickets To Hell (Not Available For Pets)

So I've been spending the last couple of days watching House MD. Damn, is that ever an awesome show. I could spew for pages and pages about the amazing, talented, handsome, phenomenal, hilarious, and intelligent Hugh Laurie, but that would take a seventy-page essay that I'm willing to save for my next film analysis class. I am also taking the time to write down all of my favourite "House-isms"; that is, everything that House says that I find witty, hilarious, or sarcasticly awesome. To be honest, that's almost everything he says, so I'm doing a lot of typing.

Aside from watch House MD, I have been observing the world around me. Don't worry, I'm not going to suddenly start wearing berets and writing poetry about how a sparrow's wings lay against their body. I've been observing people. Mostly because I'm writing a book (like I mentioned before) and I find that I get my best inspiration from the weird habits of people that I see. However I feel the need to point out something that I didn't notice for my book, but can't ignore...

Life Lesson #513: Skinny jeans are only as skinny as the person wearing them.

Now, if you know me personally, you'll probably be wondering about the possible hypocrisy of that statement. I will be the first one to admit that I am certainly not a size two and I do indeed wear skinny jeans. However, I am also not a size 16 and I would like to send out a little blurb to people who are and that think they are fooling anybody by wearing these narrow-legged jeans. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but someone had to say it. Let's face it, the anonymity of the internet is good for something.

Earlier this evening, I stumbled upon this site: atickettohell.com.
Now, I must say, while there is a 100.5% chance that I will never give these people my money, the service they offer is quite amusing and, frankly, not a bad business venture. I'm sure there are many people on this planet who would gladly fork over the twelve-or-so dollars to send their ex-wife, ex-boss, ex-investment-banker, or ex-plastic-surgeon a not-so-subtle hint as to where they think they should take a long and not-so-luxurious journey.

It actually reminds me quite a bit of this site: eternal-earthbound-pets.com.
It's a site that, for mere $110 dollars per decade, they promise to take care of your pets when Rapture comes (aka after you are saved when Jesus comes back around). While atheists get a good chuckle out of sites like this, this site is actually a very good business idea. There are millions of hard-core Christians out there who are genuinely worried about their pet's welfare if the animals are to be left behind after their souls are taken "up". I will leave you to form your own opinion about sites like this, but I have mine. Oh, and they can now take care of horses, camels, llamas, and donkeys in New Hampshire, Vermont, Idaho, and Montana. I'd say the fact that the services that they provide are growing, that business is going rather swell.

Here is a band that I discovered via coldplay.com. They just released an album, and here is my favourite song of theirs that I even spent £0.79 to get it. Support the unknown talent, even if it's less than a quid.
Ladies and gentlemen... The Domino State!



Cheers!

Celebrating 17 Months and 13 Days of Blogging

On this completely unorthodox anniversary of this blog, I have decided to revisit all of my posts since the very first awkward introductory entry.
I choose this day of all days because today I decided to actually use that Twitter account that I so painfully created months ago. I'm using it to tweet my blog posts to my... zero followers...

After re-reading my posts for the first time since I wrote them (some more than a year ago) I realized that I would like to add my little captions to each of them.

Just think of this post as the Jackie Was Just Wondering blog equivalent of Ricky Gervais' and Stephen Merchant's Video Diary of the Making of Series Two of The Office but with a much shorter title. Let us commence:

Um... Hello... Hi...
And so it began. This little adventure in internet life-recording that I have come to know and feel ambivalent about (10 points to anyone who guesses what TV show that line is from). Concerning the post, my name is still Jackie and I am still of the female persuasion; however, I am now 20 years old and counting. I also still stand by what I said. If you don't like what I write, I don't care. Although if you're reading this, I'm assuming that for some reason you like it.

Wow, Nothing's New
This is one of my least favourite posts as it sounds like I'm keeping a diary of my actions without any injections of my signature (*giggle*) half-assed sense of humour.

Holy Cupid, Batman!
As you have quite possibly deduced by reading my blog, I do not talk about my love life. This post was the closest to talking about it, but it was merely mentioning the fact that I did not have one. Note the past tense of that sentence. Wink wink. *Shakes head*

Keeping Myself Busy With Daniel Day-Lewis
I still love him.

And The Oscar Goes To...
I don't think I've ever used so many adjectives in one writing sample before... It's probably like a 1:3 ratio of adjectives to all-other-words, and that's pretty darn high.

Plays, Plays, Newsies, American Psycho, and More Plays
Plays are cool. They satisfy the "Pretentious and Dramatic Yet Intellectually Stimulating Arts" slice of my Arts, Literature, and Entertainment Needs pie chart.

So This Is What Heaven Looks Like...
The first broken link of the review. There will be many, many more to come. I'm not going to fix them because that negates the in-the-moment spirit in which these posts were written. If you are really that sad about clicking on something that no longer works, look it up yourself... or get a hobby, like masturbation.

Days of Past and Future
I was right. It was boring to read. *eccentric hand flourish*

Extra! Extra!
I never got that tattoo...

Hum Drum
That link still works. There are new drawings there too, in case anybody's interested... *crickets*

The Unbearable Lightness of Monotony
Metaphors are cool. They allow me to use hyperbolic analogies in order to place emphasis on my feelings toward a certain topic or situation. There. Now you know...

Vive! Sort of...
I still love Hugh Laurie. Quite a bit more now than when I wrote that post because I am now completely educated as to his dramatic and comedic genius. That's right. Genius.

Clucking Bunnies, Speaking French, and Bermuda Shorts Day
More broken links. Sheffield Enterprises Inc. can kiss my asterisk.

John is Definately the Cutest Beatle
So can SOFA Entertainment. I do suggest you look up those videos though. If you thought Justin Beiber's fans were insane, wait till you see 1960's Beatles fangirls!

Some Bad Short Stories
All of those links are broken. Fortunately for you, you will just have to take my word for it that they are all bad. However, I am still writing to this day so I guess I never learn...

Das Ist Der Perfekte Tag (...Not Really)
*Writer is skipping the review for this post because she cannot think of anything witty to say about such a menial entry*

Out and About
To this day, I cannot watch more than 30 seconds of Angel's death/funeral scenes in Rent without crying like someone was sawing my leg off.

Satanic Housewives
I thought it was a pretty funny prank. Some people just can't take a joke...

Spring Has Sprung Then Withered
I still have that phone.

They Grow Up So Fast...
The tomato plants didn't fare so well in the end.
The link is broken.
I only saw about half of the movies listed.
End scene.

The Heliocentric Model
Life Lesson #437 - Subsection B: You can never ever EVER go wrong with baked goods made with chocolate chips.

Viva La Coldplay!
I went to Michael Buble's concert two nights ago and it was incredible! He has an unbelievable voice and he is such a natural comedian, I could go see him a million times and never get bored. He was STILL a very close second to the Coldplay concert. That's saying something!

Reminiscing About Old Good Movies
The 12 Monkeys link is broken. I haven't actually seen that movie all the way through. I thought I should mention that. Does that make me a bad film fan?

That'll Be The Day (When I Actually Study For A Test)
No reply yet from The Human Statues. I have faith. Any day now.

Why Do People Watch Dr. Phil?
I am actually watching Dr. Phil as I type this. For reason 3, in case you are wondering. I hate him.

The World Was Shaking So Much I Couldn't See The Pretty-ness
Johnny Depp is still awesome, but I didn't need to tell you that. Oh, and the poll has obviously disappeared. Walter is still here though. Please feed him.

Takin' A Much Needed Vacation
Batman, Spiderman, and Superman are each one word. Mystery solved.

Home, Home On The Range
The word "touch" was inadvertently removed from my vocabulary for 24 hours following that blog post. I almost didn't want it back but there it is.

How Will I Survive Work Now?
Tim Horton's is the shiz. I've never been so proud to be Canadian.

My Hand Really Hurts For Some Reason
Turns out I smacked it against something while drunk with friends the night before. That, ladies and gentlemen, is class.

I Love American History
I still heart Edward and James, and I don't mean British royalty. I also enjoy the fact that this post has an "anonymous" comment from persons yet unidentified. It's a small ray of hope that I'm not just sending these blog thoughts aimlessly into cyberspace never to be seen again.

My Love/Hate Relationship With The Internet
I can't afford champagne. My real friends will just have to accept IT favours from me as proof of friendship.

Developing Addictions and Contracting STD's
I quote "There is a new show called Glee that I really wanna watch." Oh, me-from-a-year-ago... You had no idea just how big that "new show" would become.

Going Green Equals Economic Recession
Oh boy. Activist-Jackie should be gagged and bound, thrown in a vat of ice cream and sent down the Bow River.

La Passegiatta
I've been working on my presentation skills since that little catastrophe. I think I've solved the part where I... hmm... Well, I've definately worked on that thing when I... uh... At least I've noticed that I need to...
Oh, who am I kidding? I should hire actors to do my presentations for me, or at least video-conference them in via satellite.

Keen on Keane
I mean, what other title could I have come up with? The band's name is Keane and I like them, I couldn't just ignore the play on words. Please.

Where The Wonderful Things Are
Of all the broken links and videos in this blog, the Footlight Parade video is the one that saddens me the most. For obvious reasons...

Crease of Distant Dark Places
Good song. That's it.

If Wisdom Teeth Are So Wise...
I would like to add tonsils to the list of body parts that don't need to be there. Not that I've had problems with mine. Just saying.

Dishonourable Mention
I highly recommend "The Ricky Gervais Show" which is an animated version of said podcasts. A vivid depiction of what goes on in Karl's brain. It really opens the eyes, stretches the mind, and tangles the perception of the human species.

You Can't Post Videos In A Conversation
Now I wear make-up every day. I think I have just passed into womanhood.

The England Story
Urban Dictionary defines beening as water that is so hot that it's cold, or vice versa. That actually, quite shockingly, fits the situation fairly well.

Ten Thousand Lightning Bugs
OK, so Adam Lambert's career didn't end quite as abruptly as I thought. However, he won't last much longer. I'll see to that...

No Longer Missing-In-Action
Yes, I realize I never gave the name of the show that I love so much (and am currently rewatching all the seasons of). If you care enough to watch it yourself, you'll go and do a little research to find out the title. It takes effort to be a fan of such an incredible show, they don't just hand out fandom badges willy nilly.

Show Business
That is one grotesquely terrible poem. However, of all of the writing-related disciplines, poetry was always my Achilles heel.

Just Think of All That You've Missed
I found a toonie with gum on it and a five-dollar-bill with blood on it not too long ago.

Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
Sociopathic entrepreneurs = Americans. That's right. I said it.

Apparently, I Used To Be Skinny
I still watch As The World Turns. Dr. Oliver and Eric Sheffer Stevens are still awesome. I am still not as skinny as I used to be...

Oh Ray, How You Light Up My Day
If I was the dilligent secretary that I never want to be and have actually been keeping track of all of the idiotic things my mom says, we'd be on Quote #8579.

Running From Short Sleeves
It sure is taxing on the central cooling system of the body when I wear my leather jacket everywhere because I refuse to show my arms in public.

Keeping It Real and Prepping For The Fall
To add to that list, I went to the bank yesterday to get my credit card activated, all by my lonesome. Go me.

Backstreet's Back, Alright!
This was only two days ago. I don't have anything else to say about this one. Geez. How much do you want from me?!


Wow, that took all day. I hope you appreciate it. I had a mediocre amount of fun.

Done.

Backstreet's Back, Alright!

So I have rediscovered the Backstreet Boys.

I'm talking about old school Backstreet Boys. Before AJ's drug problem, before Nick's weight problem, before Howie went hardcore latino, and right smack dab in the middle of Brian's health problems.
Am I forgetting one? Oh right! Kevin. I always seem to forget about him for some reason... Didn't he leave the group? I never noticed.

When I was the tender age range of 8 to 11, there was no other music in my tiny little world. Unless you count a short coup in the summer of 1999 by the Eiffel 65 song "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" but I think we would all like to forget that little blip on the timeline. I have all of their albums. Some on cassette, some on... wait for it... CD! In fact, the very first CD I ever got (and by "got" I mean was given as a gift because 10-year-old me didn't have any money) was the 2000 Backstreet Boys album "Black and Blue". Wow, I am really old.

To this day I have 5 of their 7 studio albums (2 on cassette, 3 on CD). I'm actually surprised I don't own their "Never Gone" album but I do own their "Unbreakable" album. Go figure.

As to the depth of my fandom during the previously mentioned age range, it was quite ridiculous. I think my significantly worn VHS copy of Backstreet Boys - Homecoming: Live in Orlando pretty much speaks for itself. In the Backstreet Boys vs. N'Sync battle (the Edward vs. Jacob battle equivalent of the late 90's) I was absolutely in the BSB camp. Back then the only thing the BSB and N'Sync camps had in common was the pathetic amusement we felt when Nick Lachey's boy band 98 degrees tried to throw it's hat in the ring. Failed miserably...

My favourite band member, right from the get-go, was AJ. I guess I always loved the bad boys, and he was certainly the bad boy of all the Backstreet Boys. I always despised the fact that 75% of all young girls that liked the BSB completly crushed on Nick. Maybe it was the floppy blonde hair or maybe it was unnaturally high and whiny voice but they just lost their hair scrunchies every time they hear his not-so dulcet tones or even his name. I have broken down the other members' percentage of the BSB's fanbase as follows:



Brian had a really good voice and he had the maturity factor. He just looked like he had the "older brother" position of the group. Howie was never a really prominent figure in the band, but he had an OK falsetto and I think some select girls liked his hair (I'm sorry, that's the only reason I can think of for possibly liking Howie). Kevin was the non-member. I call him that because he can't dance, he can't sing, and he was the forgettable one. The only time he ever got solo's in songs were during random bridge verses and he was (more often than not) accompanied by AJ in the background because he couldn't even hold his own vocally for 4 lines of a song.
Now, not only was AJ the bad boy of the group (which made him the sexiest) he also had the best voice. The band would have been nothing without him, and I am being absolutely sincere. Without him, they would have been just another N'Sync. ZING!
He was so badass, he made the band amazing. I was actually looking back at their performance of "Hey Mr. DJ" from my VHS tape (concert in Orlando) and watching AJ work his magic. I can't believe, at 10-years-old, I was watching (and lusting after) such a sexually-charged performance (and performer). It explains a lot actually...
Here's that performance. AJ is the one who's singing, and who doesn't look like he's about to go snowboarding. Don't ask...



A group photo from 1999.



From left to right: Kevin "The Douche" Richardson, Howie "Latino-Wannabe" Dorough, Brian "The Short One" Littrell, Nick "Everybody Loves Me" Carter, and AJ "Never-Know-What-Colour-My-Hair-Will-Be-Tomorrow" Mclean.

Here are a few more songs (music video versions):

I Want It That Way

Everybody (Backstreet's Back)

Larger Than Life

(This one takes the cake for cheesiest video, and in the late-90's pop era, that's saying something...)
Quit Playing Games With My Heart

Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely

I'll Never Break Your Heart

OK, now for the grand finale of this lovely BSB themed blog post. Here's a performance of the hit single off their 2005 reunion album Never Gone. Even though I am more of a fan of pre-reunion BSB, this song is actually pretty darn good. Mostly because AJ sings a good chunk of it, and Kevin doesn't have an awkwardly placed solo. Here is "Incomplete". Enjoy!



Sweet!!

Keeping It Real And Prepping For The Fall

Oh OK, so now I feel really bad. This is completely shameful and I do apologize. However, I shall redirect you to my very first blog post (over a year and 50 entries ago) and to how I said that I would try to keep up posting. Well, lately life is getting in the way of my so-called cyber-existence on this here blog. Nothing catastrophic or revolutionary, just grown up stuff. Stuff I should probably get used to doing more often.
I'm not talking about laundry and dishes, but school, work, and "networking".

However, I did just master the laundry machines a couple of months ago, and the dishwasher mere weeks ago, so I can cross those two things off of my "Things I Must Learn To Do Before I Move Out So I Don't Have To Bring My Crap To My Mom's House Every Week In A Hamper In Order To Keep My Life Free Of Unnecessary Stress, Financial or Social Predicaments, And/Or Unpleasant Diseases" list.
So far, doing my own taxes and making my own dentist/doctor appointments is still on that list. Don't worry, I'm working on it!

So what have I been doing, you ask? Well, spring session ended in June (obviously), and by "ended" I mean "survived with minimal psychological and social scarring". I may actually have learned a few things. Who could have predicted that? Not me. Oh and I passed. So, I've got that going for me.

I've starting writing a book. Stop it, stop it. I don't even know what it's really about yet, I really just wanted to write something longer than my five page short stories. So far, I have four pages of the first chapter written...
Success has never really been in my playbook.
Actually, I usually write the playbook with success in mind, but I can never connect all of the dotted lines and fancy arrows to the big red circle at the bottom that says SUCCESS - Now Go Get A Fudge Brownie and Relax.

I got my schedule for film school about a week ago. Looking pretty darn awesome, IF I do say so myself. I'm really excited. Not for the whole finding my way around a new school thing (because, let's be honest, I can barely find my own house from a block away with two trained Air Force navigators and a GPS) but I'm excited about just about everything else!

OK, enough catching up. In the recent months I have found a great deal of awesome new music, so the "new media" section of today's blog will have a machete-hacked version of all of my new music. It hurts my heart a little, but I need to learn to be cut-throat. Here goes:

Gary Go - Wonderful



Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead



Brandon Flowers - Crossfire



Maroon 5 - Misery



Bat for Lashes - Daniel



Alright. Until next time America!
OK, not America, but whoever is reading this. I was just trying to be witty and/or profound. Told you I don't succeed...

Harrumph.