OK, I'm bored.
I really shouldn't be. I'm in school, I have a part-time job. I have friends.
Yet, I'm bored.
Earlier this evening I did some painting (in terms of art on a canvas, not with rollers on a wall) and that was enjoyable. I got frustrated and took a step back, so now I'm here; reading Cracked articles and listening to a medley of McFly songs.
I've come up with a post that might not entertain readers so much as it is a time-waster for me. It will fill the time between now and an acceptable time for me to go to bed that doesn't make me feel like my grandmother after a strenuous day of watching squirrels chase each other on the front porch.
Right-O. I have done a Google experiment and a dictionary experiment, so now it's time for my Wikipedia experiment! Yay...
I shall hit the "random article" button a few times and see what I get. Say a few words about them, and move on. Sounds fun? I know, but bear with me.
Steinunn Finnsdottir
A female Icelandic poet. Wow, I had trouble writing that without dozing off. However, she did write about a woman who turned into a man, and another that turned into a dog. Same thing really. HIYO!
DuPont, Washington
A tiny city in Pierce County, Washington. I'm sorry, but I read that entire article and that just looks like, quite possible, the dullest place ever. I know that's not true, it's one of them "small town America" cities that America seems to be so darn proud of. There sure are enough of them down there. The most interesting thing I read was that it used to be a Hudson's Bay Company fort and at one point, they moved the entire fort upstream. Now I'm picturing Fort Calgary on one of those giant house-moving vehicles that go 2 km per hour.
Judy Tyler
She was Playboy magazine's Playmate of the Month for January of 1966. I tried to find a picture of her for this site, thinking it would be a funny throwback to the Playboy of the '60's, but I just ended up erasing my Google history and wishing I'd thought that out a bit more before searching. *shudder*
Cognac Public Garden
Imagine my disappointment that this is just an English-styled garden in France with a museum and a hotel. I was picturing fountains with cognac spewing from them for the public to stand under like giant water fountains.
Diana "Mousie" Lewis
She was a film actress and MGM contract star in the late '30's-early '40's. She is best known for being William Powell's wife. I just hope she didn't give herself that nickname. How unfortunate.
Elipsocidae
I quote from the article:
"Elipsocidae is a family of Psocoptera belonging to the suborder Homilopsocidea. Member of the family have a free areola postica. Many species are apterous."
It makes my brain sting.
Minor Tactics of the Chalk Stream
A book about fly-fishing. Written by G.E.M. Skues, this book marks his long campaign to restore the wet fly to its rightful place on the chalk streams of England. Apparently this book "put an end to the dry-fly purist and brought the angling world back to sanity." Wow, who knew wet fly fishing was such an impassioned subject? I guess I just never expected the crafty bait and slaughter of aquatic vertebrates to attract such controversy...
List of Clifford the Big Red Dog episodes
I desperately want to meet the person who took the time to write out this list. I'm picturing an old Croatian man with a comb-over and green argyle sweater typing out this list for his wife, who doesn't know how to use a computer but still wants the world to know about Clifford, the big red dog that taught her how to speak English and how to be a friend.
Cervical spinal nerve 4
This spinal nerve controls the thoracic diaphragm and inspired a medical mnemonic: "Cut C4, breathe no more." Jesus Christ. With teachings like these, medical schools are breeding grounds for new Jack The Rippers or Jack Kevorkians.
OK, that's enough. I just killed... an hour and a half. Wow, I can almost hear the woosh of my life passing me by. Oh well, I'm off to watch House, then Blackadder.
I love the title of that fly-fishing book so much that it will be the title of this blog post, even if it makes no logical sense.
Bye.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Confidence Man
It has happened, ladies and gentlemen. It has finally... happened.
I knew it happened to other people, I've seen it happen on TV, but it has never happened to me.
Until now.
To be honest, it makes me feel special. It makes me feel like someone chose me, and it makes me feel utterly... utterly... special.
I have finally been the target of a money scam. A con. A beautiful attempt at swindling.
Being the keenly intelligent individual that I am saved me from falling victim to said scam, but it was entertaining to be involved in.
I got an e-mail from someone using the address of NoD Magazine, a literary magazine run through the University of Calgary. They have my e-mail address because of communications I had with them previously, and this crafty hacker managed to use it. So, obviously, I opened the e-mail that I thought was from the magazine, but upon reading it I emitted a satisfied chuckle at the fact that I - yes, me - had been sent a con e-mail. Here is the e-mail of which I speak (I have not altered the wording, grammar, or spelling in any way):
Good morning,
How are you doing? Hope all is well with you and family, I know this might be a surprise to you but I am sorry I didn't inform you about my traveling to Scotland for a Seminar . It was so Urgent and I just have to be at the seminar. Please I want to confide in you and I want it private between us because I don’t want my other family members or friends to get worried over this predicament of mine. I was attacked on my way to the hotel I lodged, although I wasn't hurt because I complied immediately but my mobile phone and luggage were stolen. What bothered me most is my Cards but I have called the card company and blocked my cards and I have also been to the embassy to reschedule my flight. Aside these, I need to sort out some vital issues including my bills.
Please I need financial assistance. I would like you to help me with £1,400 pounds or any amount you could afford. I will refund you upon my arrival back home. Let me know if you would be able to help me with the money or any amount you could afford. If you will be able to help me with the money then you can go to the nearest western union outlet or into any nearest bank and use the western union money transfer service to transfer the money to me directly. Below are the details you will need to make the transfer on my name at the Western union office. After the transfer, just email me the money transfer control number [MTCN] on the receipt. I will be able to receive the money here immediately with my passport. Also do let me know how you want me to pay you back so I can make the arrangements to get it to you as soon as I get back home.
Name: Kye Kocher
Address: Worsley Park - Worsley Manchester,
M28 2QT United Kingdom
Looking forward to your positive response.
Kye
Wasn't that simply luminous with enough exquisite, devastating, and delectable gorgeousness as to render the very princess of ravishing beauteousness speechless? Yes, I think so too.
My favourite aspect, I think, is the wording. He writes as if he knows me, or I'm supposed to recognize his name from somewhere (which I don't). Like he cares about my family. Psh. He even nicely asks me to keep his little predicament a secret. Sorry, bro. Looking forward to my positive response? What response is that? One where I don't send him a debilitating computer virus?
I figured Mr. Kocher (what an ironic name) wouldn't mind me sharing his name and address with the "world", seeing as it's surely fake. There's not even a number on his address. I suppose the postman will deliver it to the middle of Worsley Park and he'll just be there. I had an enormous urge to respond to this email, but I realized it would just get sent to the NoD Magazine address and they would be bewildered and perhaps put-off by my tone (one of anger and curiosity, with a hint of amused gratitude).
Now all I can hope for you, darling friends, is that you should one day be as lucky as me. Lucky enough to recieve such a finely crafted specimen of con-artistry, yet smart enough to ignore it completely.
Bon, il faut que je parte.
I knew it happened to other people, I've seen it happen on TV, but it has never happened to me.
Until now.
To be honest, it makes me feel special. It makes me feel like someone chose me, and it makes me feel utterly... utterly... special.
I have finally been the target of a money scam. A con. A beautiful attempt at swindling.
Being the keenly intelligent individual that I am saved me from falling victim to said scam, but it was entertaining to be involved in.
I got an e-mail from someone using the address of NoD Magazine, a literary magazine run through the University of Calgary. They have my e-mail address because of communications I had with them previously, and this crafty hacker managed to use it. So, obviously, I opened the e-mail that I thought was from the magazine, but upon reading it I emitted a satisfied chuckle at the fact that I - yes, me - had been sent a con e-mail. Here is the e-mail of which I speak (I have not altered the wording, grammar, or spelling in any way):
Good morning,
How are you doing? Hope all is well with you and family, I know this might be a surprise to you but I am sorry I didn't inform you about my traveling to Scotland for a Seminar . It was so Urgent and I just have to be at the seminar. Please I want to confide in you and I want it private between us because I don’t want my other family members or friends to get worried over this predicament of mine. I was attacked on my way to the hotel I lodged, although I wasn't hurt because I complied immediately but my mobile phone and luggage were stolen. What bothered me most is my Cards but I have called the card company and blocked my cards and I have also been to the embassy to reschedule my flight. Aside these, I need to sort out some vital issues including my bills.
Please I need financial assistance. I would like you to help me with £1,400 pounds or any amount you could afford. I will refund you upon my arrival back home. Let me know if you would be able to help me with the money or any amount you could afford. If you will be able to help me with the money then you can go to the nearest western union outlet or into any nearest bank and use the western union money transfer service to transfer the money to me directly. Below are the details you will need to make the transfer on my name at the Western union office. After the transfer, just email me the money transfer control number [MTCN] on the receipt. I will be able to receive the money here immediately with my passport. Also do let me know how you want me to pay you back so I can make the arrangements to get it to you as soon as I get back home.
Name: Kye Kocher
Address: Worsley Park - Worsley Manchester,
M28 2QT United Kingdom
Looking forward to your positive response.
Kye
Wasn't that simply luminous with enough exquisite, devastating, and delectable gorgeousness as to render the very princess of ravishing beauteousness speechless? Yes, I think so too.
My favourite aspect, I think, is the wording. He writes as if he knows me, or I'm supposed to recognize his name from somewhere (which I don't). Like he cares about my family. Psh. He even nicely asks me to keep his little predicament a secret. Sorry, bro. Looking forward to my positive response? What response is that? One where I don't send him a debilitating computer virus?
I figured Mr. Kocher (what an ironic name) wouldn't mind me sharing his name and address with the "world", seeing as it's surely fake. There's not even a number on his address. I suppose the postman will deliver it to the middle of Worsley Park and he'll just be there. I had an enormous urge to respond to this email, but I realized it would just get sent to the NoD Magazine address and they would be bewildered and perhaps put-off by my tone (one of anger and curiosity, with a hint of amused gratitude).
Now all I can hope for you, darling friends, is that you should one day be as lucky as me. Lucky enough to recieve such a finely crafted specimen of con-artistry, yet smart enough to ignore it completely.
Bon, il faut que je parte.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sarcasm: A Guide For The Passive-Aggressive
I consider myself to be a connoiseur of the delicacies and intricacies in the art of sarcasm, and I am delighted and giddy and darling and squeeky and crunchy and silly and grandiloquently elated to be sharing, with you, these little fibres of wisdom which you will then weave into an exquisite tapestry of passive-aggressiveness and sly, malevolent wit.
I think the reason I direct this little "how to" (as you do) towards persons who consider themselves to be passive-aggressive is because you already have the vanilla ice cream. It's so much easier to add the Bailey's/chocolate sauce topping that is sarcasm to a well-built (albeit bland) foundation of sweet, creamy passive-aggressiveness. To be clear, I mean the unattractive character trait version of passive-aggressiveness, not the personality disorder. However blurred that border may be, I do not want to be accused of insensitivity towards the persons unfortunate enough to be afflicted with a disorder that counts procrastination, sulking, and irresponsibility as its defining symptoms.
To be sarcastic, one could possibly say, is to be witty in an often creatively wounding and contemptuous way. However, as I have explored over the decades of my life (of which there have been two), I have realized that there are two forms of sarcasm.
Type I Sarcasm is one of humour. Shared among friends, comfortable aquiantances, favourable family members, and other such relatables, sarcasm can be an amusing form of delightfulness intended only to "poke fun" as they say in some 19th century noble circles. This form draws upon a particular flaw or unflattering characteristic of a certain person or persons of universal traits and emphasizes this flaw in such a way that it employs the use of wit or general jubilance in order to recognize its absurdity, mild inferiority, or even just its abnormality in comparison to things of a similar but more commonplace nature. Now, this type of sarcasm is relatively easy to detect as it is usually accompanied by an earnest smile or general joyous expression on the face of the person employing the use of Type I Sarcasm. This honest, gleeful expression at the successful implementation of humourous sarcasm may often appear alongside a friendly gesture such as elbow nudge, a sassy shrug of the shoulders, or even a swatting of a hand (right or left) through the air in a careless, yet hopelessly endearing, fashion. Be not afraid of or hateful towards the use of Type I Sarcasm. It is, as I and my lovely kinship of imagination like to call it, the friendship sarcasm. It is a way of signifying that you are comfortable enough with an individual that you are not afraid of losing their (platonic or otherwise) affections because you recognize and voice a minor flaw in their character or abilities. It's a grand step toward building new relationships on a modern, but still magnanimous, level. I think I should mention the keyword "minor" here. Choosing a minor flaw is easy and one that the recipient is surely already aware of and ambivalent toward, so "poking fun" at it isn't causing them personal or emotional harm by letting on that other humans (besides themselves) are aware of this flaw. Turning major flaws into sarcastic remarks is only a good idea if your goal in life is impotency. That brings me to the next type.
Type II Sarcasm is one of malice. While this type of sarcasm is used usually in firey and impassioned confrontations between persons who, most likely, do not appreciate the time spent in each others company and, quite possibly, have endured previous occassions of unpleasantness in the presence of one another. In short, Type II is the sarcasm of the hurtful. It is the sarcasm that is designed to inflict the most psychological woundage on the humanly target and is very hard to undo in an immediate fashion by using more words (no matter how linguistically, syntactically, or dialectically proficient you are). It is hard, as an even somewhat moral homo sapiens, to recommend the usage of Type II Sarcasm, because it's primary intention is to cause emotional pain. However, as I have experienced on many an occassion, it certainly has its place. Use it sparingly, but when you do, make sure it's enough to carve your initials like Zorro on the very core of their identity and to parade their insecurities in front of them like their mother unleashed unto the universe a collosal evil just by giving birth to them. Quite simple really.
I think it's important, at this point in the instruction, to continue with the definition of sarcasm in it's proper (yet still divided) context. The key to sarcasm is that it is essentially a (playful or otherwise) insult that has been put in reverse form and paired with physically manifested emotions. To use an example in this situation would illustrate my point more clearly. To say "your parrot has a very substantial eating problem" would be a comment of constructive criticism, one that does not qualify as sarcasm due to it's drabness and overall lack of spunk. To say "your parrot is really fat" is just a plain insult, without jazzy over- or under-tones, or any imagination whatsoever. To say "so I see your parrot is a Weight Watchers success story" is sarcasm. It combines the obvious visual nature of the overweight parrot, with the verbal contradictory statement that it must have recently lost some poundage (or depending on the breed of parrot, ouncage). The sarcasm user knows it's false, the parrot owner knows it's false, and the parrot (undoubtedly) also knows it's false; however, the sentence possesses a contradiction that makes the target question the motives behind the comment. The sarcasm user will often use indicative gestures or expressions like eye-rolls, eye-brow raises, goofy smirks, huffy chuckles, and foot shuffling to indicate sarcasm. To say "your parrot is chunky to the max, yo" should be avoided at all costs, for the sake of humanity.
It is the paradoxical nature of sarcasm that makes it exceedingly hard to recognize in textual form; more specifically, over the internetscape. I suggest refraining from using sarcasm unless you are absolutely sure that your tone of script can only be interpreted in the way that you intended. This takes a very skilled sarcasm artist, and if you have been recieved successfully in the past, I tip my metaphorical top-hat in your direction.
As I bring us to the conclusion of this little "how to", I should like to remind you that sarcasm is considered one of the premiere linguistic fine arts and should be treated as such. Don't toss it about willy nilly. Treat it with care. Nurse it. Dress it. Make it your own. Don't dare turn it into a frivolity of common verbal exchange. Show some respect. Taking that with you, march forth and pummel fair citizens with your dry, graceful, steely tongue and watch as people either crumble under your charms or flee, weeping from your presence.
Good day.
I think the reason I direct this little "how to" (as you do) towards persons who consider themselves to be passive-aggressive is because you already have the vanilla ice cream. It's so much easier to add the Bailey's/chocolate sauce topping that is sarcasm to a well-built (albeit bland) foundation of sweet, creamy passive-aggressiveness. To be clear, I mean the unattractive character trait version of passive-aggressiveness, not the personality disorder. However blurred that border may be, I do not want to be accused of insensitivity towards the persons unfortunate enough to be afflicted with a disorder that counts procrastination, sulking, and irresponsibility as its defining symptoms.
To be sarcastic, one could possibly say, is to be witty in an often creatively wounding and contemptuous way. However, as I have explored over the decades of my life (of which there have been two), I have realized that there are two forms of sarcasm.
Type I Sarcasm is one of humour. Shared among friends, comfortable aquiantances, favourable family members, and other such relatables, sarcasm can be an amusing form of delightfulness intended only to "poke fun" as they say in some 19th century noble circles. This form draws upon a particular flaw or unflattering characteristic of a certain person or persons of universal traits and emphasizes this flaw in such a way that it employs the use of wit or general jubilance in order to recognize its absurdity, mild inferiority, or even just its abnormality in comparison to things of a similar but more commonplace nature. Now, this type of sarcasm is relatively easy to detect as it is usually accompanied by an earnest smile or general joyous expression on the face of the person employing the use of Type I Sarcasm. This honest, gleeful expression at the successful implementation of humourous sarcasm may often appear alongside a friendly gesture such as elbow nudge, a sassy shrug of the shoulders, or even a swatting of a hand (right or left) through the air in a careless, yet hopelessly endearing, fashion. Be not afraid of or hateful towards the use of Type I Sarcasm. It is, as I and my lovely kinship of imagination like to call it, the friendship sarcasm. It is a way of signifying that you are comfortable enough with an individual that you are not afraid of losing their (platonic or otherwise) affections because you recognize and voice a minor flaw in their character or abilities. It's a grand step toward building new relationships on a modern, but still magnanimous, level. I think I should mention the keyword "minor" here. Choosing a minor flaw is easy and one that the recipient is surely already aware of and ambivalent toward, so "poking fun" at it isn't causing them personal or emotional harm by letting on that other humans (besides themselves) are aware of this flaw. Turning major flaws into sarcastic remarks is only a good idea if your goal in life is impotency. That brings me to the next type.
Type II Sarcasm is one of malice. While this type of sarcasm is used usually in firey and impassioned confrontations between persons who, most likely, do not appreciate the time spent in each others company and, quite possibly, have endured previous occassions of unpleasantness in the presence of one another. In short, Type II is the sarcasm of the hurtful. It is the sarcasm that is designed to inflict the most psychological woundage on the humanly target and is very hard to undo in an immediate fashion by using more words (no matter how linguistically, syntactically, or dialectically proficient you are). It is hard, as an even somewhat moral homo sapiens, to recommend the usage of Type II Sarcasm, because it's primary intention is to cause emotional pain. However, as I have experienced on many an occassion, it certainly has its place. Use it sparingly, but when you do, make sure it's enough to carve your initials like Zorro on the very core of their identity and to parade their insecurities in front of them like their mother unleashed unto the universe a collosal evil just by giving birth to them. Quite simple really.
I think it's important, at this point in the instruction, to continue with the definition of sarcasm in it's proper (yet still divided) context. The key to sarcasm is that it is essentially a (playful or otherwise) insult that has been put in reverse form and paired with physically manifested emotions. To use an example in this situation would illustrate my point more clearly. To say "your parrot has a very substantial eating problem" would be a comment of constructive criticism, one that does not qualify as sarcasm due to it's drabness and overall lack of spunk. To say "your parrot is really fat" is just a plain insult, without jazzy over- or under-tones, or any imagination whatsoever. To say "so I see your parrot is a Weight Watchers success story" is sarcasm. It combines the obvious visual nature of the overweight parrot, with the verbal contradictory statement that it must have recently lost some poundage (or depending on the breed of parrot, ouncage). The sarcasm user knows it's false, the parrot owner knows it's false, and the parrot (undoubtedly) also knows it's false; however, the sentence possesses a contradiction that makes the target question the motives behind the comment. The sarcasm user will often use indicative gestures or expressions like eye-rolls, eye-brow raises, goofy smirks, huffy chuckles, and foot shuffling to indicate sarcasm. To say "your parrot is chunky to the max, yo" should be avoided at all costs, for the sake of humanity.
It is the paradoxical nature of sarcasm that makes it exceedingly hard to recognize in textual form; more specifically, over the internetscape. I suggest refraining from using sarcasm unless you are absolutely sure that your tone of script can only be interpreted in the way that you intended. This takes a very skilled sarcasm artist, and if you have been recieved successfully in the past, I tip my metaphorical top-hat in your direction.
As I bring us to the conclusion of this little "how to", I should like to remind you that sarcasm is considered one of the premiere linguistic fine arts and should be treated as such. Don't toss it about willy nilly. Treat it with care. Nurse it. Dress it. Make it your own. Don't dare turn it into a frivolity of common verbal exchange. Show some respect. Taking that with you, march forth and pummel fair citizens with your dry, graceful, steely tongue and watch as people either crumble under your charms or flee, weeping from your presence.
Good day.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
It's Sharin' Time, Folks
And I don't mean secret fantasies or sexual organs.
Here are a few lists. They are in list form because recent studies show that people are more likely to skim through a list of things in point form than they are to read full-blown paragraphs. I'm not sure who conducted these studies. The Institute of Completely Unnecessary Studies. I think they also did that study that said that people who read irrelevant blogs on the internet are generally lazier than the average paperback novel reader. I'm not having a go. I fall into both categories.
Here are a few lists of my recommendations of things you should definately take a look at this coming year. If you don't have any of these (and are too lazy to buy them) I can lend them to you. No I won't. I'll never get them back you cheeky slag.
OK, some lists. They are not ranked. Numbers mean nothing. Just lists.
BOOKS
1. On Writing by Stephen King
Beautifully written and essential reading for anyone who even has the slightest interest in writing anything. I will put everything in perspective for you.
2. The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie
Yes, that Hugh Laurie. It's a hilarious book. How can it not be? It's written by Hugh bloody Laurie! However, it's also a great story, really well written.
3. Disquiet, Please: An Anthology of Humour Writing from The New Yorker
This is an anthology of humour pieces that were published in The New Yorker, written by the best of the best in comedy writing. I laughed out loud. That's rare with books.
4. The City and The Pillar by Gore Vidal
Yes, I know, I know. It seems like such a literary choice. No, I'm not getting pretentious on you (OK, maybe a little), but it's an incredible book. The end will leave your mouth like mine: agape.
5. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
Not for the faint of heart. Lots of sex and violence. Go read it now. You'll be glad you did, you little minx.
MOVIES
1. Tangled
Yes, the animated Disney movie. You might think I'm soft, but I totally cried during the lantern scene. Way to bring back the animated princess musical, Disney. *Thumbs up*
2. Inception
While I'm not as much of a fan of this movie as it seems everyone else is, it certainly was a great film. Go see it. Judge for yourself. You have to go deeper.
3. I Love You Philip Morris
I haven't seen this one yet, but I will see it soon, God help me. I think you should see it anyway. I think it's important that you do.
4. Leon: The Professional
It's one of those movies that you either love it, or you misunderstood it and got creeped out, so you hate it. I loved it. Frankly, if you don't love it, you should have your movie-watching priviledges taken away because you obviously can't tell a good movie from a gunshot wound in your left asscheek from where Gary Oldman will shoot you.
5. A Touch of Pink
This is my shout-out to Canadian film. It's no classic, but it's really cute and I love it.
TELEVISION
1. Blackadder
I think no one should die without seeing all four seasons of Blackadder (plus all those extra movie-things they did). You will pee yourself laughing. I know I did. Kidding.
2. Fawlty Towers
Same here. Don't you go dying until you've seen it. It will only take you a day to watch both seasons. You can spare the time.
3. Brothers & Sisters
I loves my melodrama and this series has plenty of it, but it is also hilarious and really well done. Check it out.
4. A Bit of Fry and Laurie
I think I've already explained the virtues of this show enough. If you haven't checked it out already... Why do I even bother sharing genius?
5. Columbo
Because you haven't lived until you see Peter Falk massage his brow with cigar wielding fingers and mutter "Oh, and just one more thing..."
ALBUMS (Music, that is...)
1. God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise - Ray LaMontagne & The Pariah Dogs
Honestly one of the best albums I've ever heard. Ever. Ray LaMontagne's other albums are seriously worth checking out as well. Ray is one of those artists that I actually have to stop listening to him for a little while because he is just TOO good.
2. Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds Live at Radio City Music Hall
This is a live album and it's better than most studio albums. They are both genius and I could listen to Dave all day long. Sometimes I actually swoon. Or what I equate with swooning because I'm not sure exactly what swooning entails. Just leaning back with my hand on my chest, smiling with a heavy sigh. Swoon. Check out the DVD of this concert too, which I also have.
3. Hands All Over - Maroon 5
This one is just so much freaking fun. All of the songs have me dancing or singing along. As are all their albums, actually.
4. Tourist History - Two Door Cinema Club
I mentioned this in my last post. Great album, such a unique and creative sound. For a debut album, it's a complete hit.
5. Sigh No More - Mumford & Sons
These guys are incredible. This is also their debut album, and it's bringing folk rock back into style, only a million times better.
Here's a song from God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise called Like Rock & Roll and Radio. Feel the genius.
I'ma quit while I'm ahead, I think. I've tossed around the word genius more than a cat is swung in places where there is room to swing a cat.
Ta-ra.
Here are a few lists. They are in list form because recent studies show that people are more likely to skim through a list of things in point form than they are to read full-blown paragraphs. I'm not sure who conducted these studies. The Institute of Completely Unnecessary Studies. I think they also did that study that said that people who read irrelevant blogs on the internet are generally lazier than the average paperback novel reader. I'm not having a go. I fall into both categories.
Here are a few lists of my recommendations of things you should definately take a look at this coming year. If you don't have any of these (and are too lazy to buy them) I can lend them to you. No I won't. I'll never get them back you cheeky slag.
OK, some lists. They are not ranked. Numbers mean nothing. Just lists.
BOOKS
1. On Writing by Stephen King
Beautifully written and essential reading for anyone who even has the slightest interest in writing anything. I will put everything in perspective for you.
2. The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie
Yes, that Hugh Laurie. It's a hilarious book. How can it not be? It's written by Hugh bloody Laurie! However, it's also a great story, really well written.
3. Disquiet, Please: An Anthology of Humour Writing from The New Yorker
This is an anthology of humour pieces that were published in The New Yorker, written by the best of the best in comedy writing. I laughed out loud. That's rare with books.
4. The City and The Pillar by Gore Vidal
Yes, I know, I know. It seems like such a literary choice. No, I'm not getting pretentious on you (OK, maybe a little), but it's an incredible book. The end will leave your mouth like mine: agape.
5. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
Not for the faint of heart. Lots of sex and violence. Go read it now. You'll be glad you did, you little minx.
MOVIES
1. Tangled
Yes, the animated Disney movie. You might think I'm soft, but I totally cried during the lantern scene. Way to bring back the animated princess musical, Disney. *Thumbs up*
2. Inception
While I'm not as much of a fan of this movie as it seems everyone else is, it certainly was a great film. Go see it. Judge for yourself. You have to go deeper.
3. I Love You Philip Morris
I haven't seen this one yet, but I will see it soon, God help me. I think you should see it anyway. I think it's important that you do.
4. Leon: The Professional
It's one of those movies that you either love it, or you misunderstood it and got creeped out, so you hate it. I loved it. Frankly, if you don't love it, you should have your movie-watching priviledges taken away because you obviously can't tell a good movie from a gunshot wound in your left asscheek from where Gary Oldman will shoot you.
5. A Touch of Pink
This is my shout-out to Canadian film. It's no classic, but it's really cute and I love it.
TELEVISION
1. Blackadder
I think no one should die without seeing all four seasons of Blackadder (plus all those extra movie-things they did). You will pee yourself laughing. I know I did. Kidding.
2. Fawlty Towers
Same here. Don't you go dying until you've seen it. It will only take you a day to watch both seasons. You can spare the time.
3. Brothers & Sisters
I loves my melodrama and this series has plenty of it, but it is also hilarious and really well done. Check it out.
4. A Bit of Fry and Laurie
I think I've already explained the virtues of this show enough. If you haven't checked it out already... Why do I even bother sharing genius?
5. Columbo
Because you haven't lived until you see Peter Falk massage his brow with cigar wielding fingers and mutter "Oh, and just one more thing..."
ALBUMS (Music, that is...)
1. God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise - Ray LaMontagne & The Pariah Dogs
Honestly one of the best albums I've ever heard. Ever. Ray LaMontagne's other albums are seriously worth checking out as well. Ray is one of those artists that I actually have to stop listening to him for a little while because he is just TOO good.
2. Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds Live at Radio City Music Hall
This is a live album and it's better than most studio albums. They are both genius and I could listen to Dave all day long. Sometimes I actually swoon. Or what I equate with swooning because I'm not sure exactly what swooning entails. Just leaning back with my hand on my chest, smiling with a heavy sigh. Swoon. Check out the DVD of this concert too, which I also have.
3. Hands All Over - Maroon 5
This one is just so much freaking fun. All of the songs have me dancing or singing along. As are all their albums, actually.
4. Tourist History - Two Door Cinema Club
I mentioned this in my last post. Great album, such a unique and creative sound. For a debut album, it's a complete hit.
5. Sigh No More - Mumford & Sons
These guys are incredible. This is also their debut album, and it's bringing folk rock back into style, only a million times better.
Here's a song from God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise called Like Rock & Roll and Radio. Feel the genius.
I'ma quit while I'm ahead, I think. I've tossed around the word genius more than a cat is swung in places where there is room to swing a cat.
Ta-ra.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Something Good Can Work
Happy Christmas, Merry New Year, Auld Lang Syne, Peace on Earth and good will toward the proverbial man and all that. Welcome to my first blog post of the new year, maladies and gentlevermin! 2011! It's a beautiful thing.
What do I have to share with you about my holiday-time? Why, nothing, you prying nincompoop! If you have been reading my blog in chronological order, as you should be, you will know that I don't discuss such subjects with my... subjects...
Let's begin with a song:
That was Two Door Cinema Club and their single "Something Good Can Work". Great song and it's a great album overall ("Tourist History"). Go have a listen.
Now, you might be wondering how long it takes me to write a blog post of an average kind. Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. Depending on how long it is and what I'm discussing it can take anywhere from an hour to a couple of them. Writing it is the easy part, it's the research that sometimes goes into any particular post that takes the time. This is also why, when I get busy, I don't have much time for blogging. I blog for two reasons, which I will share with you now even though some might consider the information classified. One is that I genuinely have something to share with the world but most of the people who know me would rather stick their head in a bucket of hot oil with charred chicken bits floating in it than listen to me speak passionately about my theories of why sometimes we see single, abandoned shoes on the side of the freeway. To each his own. The other reason is that I am just bored and I open up a blank blog page and just ramble on for a bit about nothing in particular. I'm sure I could go through every single blog post I've ever done and give it a "premeditated" or a "drivel" metaphorical sticker. It's pretty obvious which ones I've thought about before hand and which ones I written-word-barfed-up.
I think you can guess which kind this one is...
*Nervous eyes*
*Hand to forehead in shame*
*Head-desk*
So for Christmas, from my bestie, I got a 2011 Calendar entitled (and en-themed) "Men in Uniform". I think you all know what it depicts. Yes, distinguished young men in what once were uniforms that represented a particular occupation (but it seems the photoshoot took place after they had conveniently forgotten pieces of their uniforms like their hat, or their shoes, or their shirt). Some of the occupations are very appropriate for this calendar, like the chef, the football (soccer) player, the fireman, the cop, the soldier, and the pilot. However, there are also some that I have some trouble believing that their occupation really requires a uniform per-say. There are some that occupy a certain middle-ground that I can accept as a pseudo-uniform like the doctor, the bellboy (??), the vet (double ??), and the mechanic. But when it comes to the bartender and the cowboy, I think that was more of a convenience thing. You can put guy in a plaid shirt, jeans, a cowboy hat and leather chaps and everyone will recognize him as a cowboy. Same with the bartender, just stick a guy in a white shirt and black vest and put a bottle of Armadale vodka in his hands ready to be tossed a la Cocktail, and you're ready to go. But do these guys really need to wear these clothes to do their jobs? That is the test, really. Fireman? Yes. Cop? Yes. Soldier? Yes. Bartender? No. Cowboy? As the Brokeback fellas proved ever so marvelously... No.
Do I still enjoy the calendar? Yes. Will I continue to answer my own questions in order to prove a point? ...
I will say that the bartender is actually my favourite in the whole calendar. So I can still be shallow and libidinous while also being scrutinizing and overly judgmental. Yay me.
I will say I was a little saddened to see that there was so sailor in the calendar, as outdated as that seems, it's always been a uniform favourite of mine.
What do I have to share with you about my holiday-time? Why, nothing, you prying nincompoop! If you have been reading my blog in chronological order, as you should be, you will know that I don't discuss such subjects with my... subjects...
Let's begin with a song:
That was Two Door Cinema Club and their single "Something Good Can Work". Great song and it's a great album overall ("Tourist History"). Go have a listen.
Now, you might be wondering how long it takes me to write a blog post of an average kind. Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. Depending on how long it is and what I'm discussing it can take anywhere from an hour to a couple of them. Writing it is the easy part, it's the research that sometimes goes into any particular post that takes the time. This is also why, when I get busy, I don't have much time for blogging. I blog for two reasons, which I will share with you now even though some might consider the information classified. One is that I genuinely have something to share with the world but most of the people who know me would rather stick their head in a bucket of hot oil with charred chicken bits floating in it than listen to me speak passionately about my theories of why sometimes we see single, abandoned shoes on the side of the freeway. To each his own. The other reason is that I am just bored and I open up a blank blog page and just ramble on for a bit about nothing in particular. I'm sure I could go through every single blog post I've ever done and give it a "premeditated" or a "drivel" metaphorical sticker. It's pretty obvious which ones I've thought about before hand and which ones I written-word-barfed-up.
I think you can guess which kind this one is...
*Nervous eyes*
*Hand to forehead in shame*
*Head-desk*
So for Christmas, from my bestie, I got a 2011 Calendar entitled (and en-themed) "Men in Uniform". I think you all know what it depicts. Yes, distinguished young men in what once were uniforms that represented a particular occupation (but it seems the photoshoot took place after they had conveniently forgotten pieces of their uniforms like their hat, or their shoes, or their shirt). Some of the occupations are very appropriate for this calendar, like the chef, the football (soccer) player, the fireman, the cop, the soldier, and the pilot. However, there are also some that I have some trouble believing that their occupation really requires a uniform per-say. There are some that occupy a certain middle-ground that I can accept as a pseudo-uniform like the doctor, the bellboy (??), the vet (double ??), and the mechanic. But when it comes to the bartender and the cowboy, I think that was more of a convenience thing. You can put guy in a plaid shirt, jeans, a cowboy hat and leather chaps and everyone will recognize him as a cowboy. Same with the bartender, just stick a guy in a white shirt and black vest and put a bottle of Armadale vodka in his hands ready to be tossed a la Cocktail, and you're ready to go. But do these guys really need to wear these clothes to do their jobs? That is the test, really. Fireman? Yes. Cop? Yes. Soldier? Yes. Bartender? No. Cowboy? As the Brokeback fellas proved ever so marvelously... No.
Do I still enjoy the calendar? Yes. Will I continue to answer my own questions in order to prove a point? ...
I will say that the bartender is actually my favourite in the whole calendar. So I can still be shallow and libidinous while also being scrutinizing and overly judgmental. Yay me.
I will say I was a little saddened to see that there was so sailor in the calendar, as outdated as that seems, it's always been a uniform favourite of mine.
Sexy in a different way.
*Salaciously repetitive and rapid eyebrow raises*
If I am to be callous again for just one noble moment, I have to say that a certain few of the calendar boys don't really cut it in the attractiveness arena in order to be put into a calendar of such a sort. The doctor, the cop, the bartender, and the pilot are all fine specimens and recieve my personal certification of "Spicy". The bellboy, the cowboy, the fireman, and the soldier all have qualities that I enjoy looking at but might not be quite my tea and toast. As for the vet and the mechanic, they just don't live up to standards. In my book, they have to pass the "If they were a British soap opera star, would I give them their own images folder in my iPod?" test in order to be certified "Spicy".
I'm going to leave you with another song:
That is "Fables" by The Dodos.
Well, pack it up everyone. Until next time.
I'm off to play beer pong with myself while fielding phone calls from my prank caller and singing the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" theme song, all while intermittently practicing my silly walk (which I will be registering at the Ministry in a fortnight).
Yeah?
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