What do I have to share with you about my holiday-time? Why, nothing, you prying nincompoop! If you have been reading my blog in chronological order, as you should be, you will know that I don't discuss such subjects with my... subjects...
Let's begin with a song:
That was Two Door Cinema Club and their single "Something Good Can Work". Great song and it's a great album overall ("Tourist History"). Go have a listen.
Now, you might be wondering how long it takes me to write a blog post of an average kind. Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. Depending on how long it is and what I'm discussing it can take anywhere from an hour to a couple of them. Writing it is the easy part, it's the research that sometimes goes into any particular post that takes the time. This is also why, when I get busy, I don't have much time for blogging. I blog for two reasons, which I will share with you now even though some might consider the information classified. One is that I genuinely have something to share with the world but most of the people who know me would rather stick their head in a bucket of hot oil with charred chicken bits floating in it than listen to me speak passionately about my theories of why sometimes we see single, abandoned shoes on the side of the freeway. To each his own. The other reason is that I am just bored and I open up a blank blog page and just ramble on for a bit about nothing in particular. I'm sure I could go through every single blog post I've ever done and give it a "premeditated" or a "drivel" metaphorical sticker. It's pretty obvious which ones I've thought about before hand and which ones I written-word-barfed-up.
I think you can guess which kind this one is...
*Nervous eyes*
*Hand to forehead in shame*
*Head-desk*
So for Christmas, from my bestie, I got a 2011 Calendar entitled (and en-themed) "Men in Uniform". I think you all know what it depicts. Yes, distinguished young men in what once were uniforms that represented a particular occupation (but it seems the photoshoot took place after they had conveniently forgotten pieces of their uniforms like their hat, or their shoes, or their shirt). Some of the occupations are very appropriate for this calendar, like the chef, the football (soccer) player, the fireman, the cop, the soldier, and the pilot. However, there are also some that I have some trouble believing that their occupation really requires a uniform per-say. There are some that occupy a certain middle-ground that I can accept as a pseudo-uniform like the doctor, the bellboy (??), the vet (double ??), and the mechanic. But when it comes to the bartender and the cowboy, I think that was more of a convenience thing. You can put guy in a plaid shirt, jeans, a cowboy hat and leather chaps and everyone will recognize him as a cowboy. Same with the bartender, just stick a guy in a white shirt and black vest and put a bottle of Armadale vodka in his hands ready to be tossed a la Cocktail, and you're ready to go. But do these guys really need to wear these clothes to do their jobs? That is the test, really. Fireman? Yes. Cop? Yes. Soldier? Yes. Bartender? No. Cowboy? As the Brokeback fellas proved ever so marvelously... No.
Do I still enjoy the calendar? Yes. Will I continue to answer my own questions in order to prove a point? ...
I will say that the bartender is actually my favourite in the whole calendar. So I can still be shallow and libidinous while also being scrutinizing and overly judgmental. Yay me.
I will say I was a little saddened to see that there was so sailor in the calendar, as outdated as that seems, it's always been a uniform favourite of mine.
Sexy in a different way.
*Salaciously repetitive and rapid eyebrow raises*
If I am to be callous again for just one noble moment, I have to say that a certain few of the calendar boys don't really cut it in the attractiveness arena in order to be put into a calendar of such a sort. The doctor, the cop, the bartender, and the pilot are all fine specimens and recieve my personal certification of "Spicy". The bellboy, the cowboy, the fireman, and the soldier all have qualities that I enjoy looking at but might not be quite my tea and toast. As for the vet and the mechanic, they just don't live up to standards. In my book, they have to pass the "If they were a British soap opera star, would I give them their own images folder in my iPod?" test in order to be certified "Spicy".
I'm going to leave you with another song:
That is "Fables" by The Dodos.
Well, pack it up everyone. Until next time.
I'm off to play beer pong with myself while fielding phone calls from my prank caller and singing the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" theme song, all while intermittently practicing my silly walk (which I will be registering at the Ministry in a fortnight).
Yeah?
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