Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Ten Thousand Lightning Bugs

Now, I would like to briefly (or not so briefly) mention Adam Lambert's performance during the AMA's on Sunday night... I was appalled, and I'll tell you why:

He fingered the audience, grabbed a female dancer's crotch, shoved a male dancer's head into his crotch, made-out with his (straight) male keyboard player (which was unplanned), and basically held an S&M party on stage. The part that appalls me is the fact that it was during primetime, so lots of kids were watching.
He claims that everyone is over-reacting and that female "artists" (such as Madonna) have been doing this stuff for ages. That may be true, but Madonna did it when she had been in the industry for 20 years and can survive a little controversy. Not to mention, nobody has ever done anything to the nearly X-rated extent to which Adam took it, so he can't even come close to making that claim.
He is even claiming that people are over-reacting because he is gay, which is ridiculous! He needs to get the idea into his head that if he had shoved a female backup dancer's head into his crotch, we would have reacted just as appalled. It was what he did, not who he did it to (and I know that sounds dirty, but so was his performance).
I think I can safely say that if his career isn't mostly over by this point, it's at least severly damaged. He's going to need a miracle to redeem himself for this and to gain back the thousands (or even sadly millions) of fans that he has lost because of this. Actually, I wouldn't be broken up about never seeing him again.
Bye bye Adam!

Here's the video for a song that's awesomely electronic and very catchy:
"Fireflies" by Owl City

Some of the lyrics of this song actually confuse me, yet make me giggle at the same time. There's one part that goes like this:

"Cause I'd get a thousand hugs, from ten thousand lightning bugs."

Now, does that mean that he gets a thousand hugs from a thousand small groups of ten lightning bugs? Or, does it mean that he gets a thousand group hugs from all ten thousand of them? Or, does it mean that he gets one hug from each of one thousand of the ten thousand bugs, and the other nine thousand don't get hugs?

OK, here is a video of Jim Carrey way-back-when he was on a little sketch comedy show called "In Living Color". It's where he got his start, and he was certainly the goofball we have all come to know and love. Here is one of his signature characters from the show: Fire Marshall Bill!



"LEMME SHOW YA SOMETHIN!!!"

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The England Story

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I decided to read some of my extremely old diaries.
I have about six diaries all from around the same time. Why I kept lots of diaries simultaneously between about 1999 to around 2003 and each one only has about 4 entries in it, I have no idea. I was a strange child.

I am strangely intrigued at how intelligent, yet completely childish they are. They are all about boys I liked or friend problems, and that was the childish part. However, they are all meticulously dated, have very few spelling errors and interesting word choice. Very impressed with my 10-year-old self.

Now, there was one particular diary that I love the most. I snort-laughed last night, while trying to stay quiet, while reading it. I think it was probably one of my first diaries, and it's a self-designed Hunchback of Notre Dame diary. Very pretty. There's only two entries. The second one was dated Jan. 27, Sunday, 2000 (which would make me nine years old) and it simply said:

Today I am going swimming with Ariel.


However, it's the first entry that is extraordinary. It isn't dated, but since I'm assuming I got the diary for Christmas in 1999, I must have still been nine. I will let you read it for yourself, but I love it. The original is handwritten (quite badly) and in pencil. Here it is, absolutely verbatim from the diary (down to the punctuation), titled simply: The England Story.

The ship was at sea. The Captain was beening warned about a coral reef. The alarm went off. The ship hit the coral reef, than it sank. All but one drowned. That one was a lady. The lady who started england, her name was elizabeth.


Wasn't that beautiful? Here were my immediate thoughts:

- Did I really think this was how England began? Or was it like some freaky imagination thing that frequently happens with me?
- I can't believe I thought Elizabeth was the first ruler of England!
- Where is the ship and everybody else on it from?
- I can't believe I spelt "Captain" right, but I couldn't capitalize Elizabeth or England (even though it's capitalized in the title).
- So... she started an entire country... all by herself...
- Who was giving this "coral reef warning"? It's as if the reef came out of nowhere.
- Are there many coral reefs near the British Isles?
- What exactly is "beening"?

Oh well, I was entertained. It's fascinating to read my writing now and read my writing from 10 years ago. There's a slight difference, I hope. At least grammatically.

Just thought I would share that little tidbit.

Pip pip.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

You Can't Post Videos In A Conversation

Today, a friend told me she only read one of my posts and she told me that it was just like having a conversation with me face-to-face, except without the other person to interject. I thought that was interesting. She said she doesn't need to read my blog because she talks to me in person and it's the same. I pointed out that I can't link to websites, imbed videos, or post pictures in a face-to-face conversation.
I win.

Blogging: 1
Interpersonal Socialization: 0

Here's a really cool visual illusion that Edward Norton posted on his Twitter page (yes, I'm still ashamed, no need to remind me).
Click here.

Today, I'm going to do something that I haven't done in probably 10 years. I'm going shopping for make-up. I know. That's really sad. I only realized it a few days ago when I was cleaning out my cluttered bathroom drawer and make-up bags and found a whole bunch of old gross make-up stuffs. I managed to find a few that were in good condition (mostly because they were gifts that I never used) but most needed to be thrown away.

So, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. Even though I was numb during the procedure, it still felt like the dentist was trying to rip my jaw off my skull with his bare hands. I spent the appropriate time recouping: lying on the couch for three or four days, eating pudding and Jell-O, watching movies. It was terrible...

Oh, and I was laughing my pants off last night (and by PANTS, I mean UNDERPANTS) looking at all of the pictures on this website: Photoshop Disasters
The Ralph Lauren ones crack me up the most. Does he really think that nobody will notice the fact that the model's hips have completely dissolved and her lower half is now made of plasticine? I personally think Ralph's next press release will claim that the model has a rare condition known as Rubber Anorexia. Oh, the media cracks me up sometimes...

Oh, and before I go, I would like to make a very important announcement (that you may or may not have heard already, but I'm going to go with not because it serves this blog better).
Johnny Depp is this year's People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive! This is his second time, and still completely deserved!



Yes.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Dishonorable Mention

This blog post has a very specific purpose.
As I am a loyal and regular follower of Ricky Gervais' blog, I (along with many other people around the globe) am obeying Ricky's orders to mention the bald manc twat known as Karl Pilkington in my blog.
He has also been referred to as a shaven monkey along with many other aliases, nicknames, and monikers. He is most commonly recognized and identified as the one with "a head like a f**king orange!"
My apologies to my readers who are offended by profanity, but that is really the only way to use that (now infamous) expression. Besides, I used asterisks so chill out.
There, I feel like I have contributed to Ricky's effort to get Karl known to more and more people, even if nobody reads my blog. I feel good.

Here is a wicked video I found of Coldplay covering Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" in an acoustic session:



Oh, and be sure to check out Jim Carrey's new website. It's da bomb!
www.jimcarrey.com

Do not commit a crime in front of a plant as they are just as good as witnesses as any human.
If you fill out one of those organ donor cards, do not donate your eyes. You do not want to be a blind ghost.
If you knock on the ground, the worms will hear you and wonder what's going on.
Slugs are sticky because they lick the glue off of postage stamps. They sweat glue.
Did I tell you about the immune system?
Slippers are pointless.

I find the Ricky Gervais podcasts extraordinarily useful in judging my sanity at any particular point in a day, week or month. If I'm listening to a particular podcast and I start to think, "Karl is actually making some sort of logical sense", I know that I have lost my senses and that I need to read some science magazines, history books, or philosophy texts just to get my mind back. At the very least, I stop listening to the podcasts. I always go back to them though.

OK, that's enough Karl Pilkington references for one blog post.
Maybe one more...

The bid lin.
The lid bin.
The bin lid.

Monday, November 9, 2009

If Wisdom Teeth Are So Wise...

...then why are they even part of the human anatomy when you usually have them taken out anyway? That's what makes no sense to me.
It's like the appendix or the spleen. You don't really need it. Why is it there?

The reason I mention these particular demon-teeth, is because in two-and-a-half days, I get to have all four of mine surgically removed. That's right. Surgically. Here's the kicker: I will not be put under anesthesia because it's not covered by insurance so I get to watch the bloody horror in living colour. Not to mention spending the next few days in a house-bound state moaning and over-dosing on Jell-O, pudding, tomato soup, and painkillers as I recover.

So if you can spare a reasonable amount of sympathy that would be much appreciated. If you are all tapped out of sympathy, then you must know way too many people who are down in the dumps. Maybe it's your fault. Think about that.
Seriously, if you have any spare sympathy. Send it my way. I'll even take pity if that's all you can offer. I won't ask for empathy, that would just be mean. Compassion would also be very welcome, but that's probably asking for too much.

Well, today was my last day of school until Monday, so hallelujah for a week off of school! It's reading week at U of C, hence why my teeth appointment was made for Thursday so I would have ample time to "heal". I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time. I should be catching up on my reading, but I'm sure that won't happen.
I'm actually glad that we have a week off, because almost all of October was absolutely insane, just assignment after paper after midterm, all back-to-back. Insanity, I tell you! Insanity!

So, I will sort through my weeks of e-mails and catch up on my correspondence (that includes you too Brooke, my apologies!) and catch up on my sleep. Also, if I decide that I should do some schoolwork, I may do an essay. Sounds like a party, I know.

Oh, I forgot to mention Halloween! It was pretty chillaxed, just played Rock Band with a friend and dressed up to hand out candy. This year I was Charlie Chaplin! I love him. It was a pretty awesome costume, IF I do say so myself. I made it the day of Halloween and didn't spend a penny. Resourceful? I think so! It says something about my wardrobe that I have a bowler hat, suspenders, and a grey suit vest lying around.

Here's Rufus Wainwright and his song "Going To A Town":



Yes, it is too bad that he's gay. He's pretty. All the pretty ones are gay. Depressing.

You should also check out two more of his videos:
Music video for "April Fools". The girl dressed as a Geisha is his sister, Martha.
Music video for his cover of The Beatles song "Across The Universe". Excellent cover.

I'm going to go tweeze my eyelashes, give myself papercuts between my fingers, punch myself in the nose, sit on some wine glasses, and shoot myself for joining Twitter.

Pluck. Slice. Gush. Crunch.
Bang.