Things That (I'm Sure) Famous People Have Thought At Some Point Or Another

I'm not talking about any particular famous person. These are just thoughts that I imagine somebody famous has had run through their mind at some point or another.

1. I want Daniel Day-Lewis' agent... and his talent... and his accent.

2. I can't believe that person just walked up to me and grabbed my ass. I probably shouldn't have kneed him in the nads. Good thing I paid off those Saks Fifth Avenue employees so they won't sell the story to US Weekly.

3. Is that my face on that backpack? That's disconcerting.

4. If I pretend to talk into my cell phone and say my own name really loudly several times, people will probably realize who I am and let me go to the front of the Yogen Früz line.

5. I'm pretty sure that pigeon recognizes me.

6. Wearing dark sunglasses will conceal my identity enough to allow me to go into Wal-Mart unnoticed. I certainly don't want people thinking that I shop at Wal-Mart.

7. I don't feel like wearing underwear today. I'm only going out for a quick drink.

8. How much does it cost to go into space? I hope the International Space Station has cable. I don't want to miss the season finale of America's Got Talent.

9. This interviewer is kind of hot. Maybe if I get teary-eyed about my last break-up and "confide" in her after the camera's are off, she'll "confide" in me later.

10. I really should have tipped that bellboy. I think he told the maid to steal my Golden Globe.

11. I hate it when I have to do an interview for Entertainment Weekly and they run the story on the cover. I love reading Entertainment Weekly in public and I don't want people to think I'm reading about myself.

12. Is that Scorsese getting Starbucks? I wonder... If I pay for his double tall mocha latte, would he give me a part in his next picture as Leo DiCaprio's love interest or decoy love interest?

13. It sure is a long drive to the studio from my mansion. I don't really mind it though, as it allows approximately 40 people every trip to see me driving my convertible in Los Angeles and then tweet "I just saw _________ driving her convertible in Los Angeles and I waved and she waved back!" to all of their followers.

14. I would give Lindsay Lohan my Oscar if I could guest star on Glee.

15. If I sing the anthem at the next Yankees game, will I get season tickets which I can then use to bribe Scorsese for a part in his next Leo DiCaprio picture?

16. Where the hell did this Justin Beiber kid come from and why is he stealing my fans?

17. I think my make-up artist is trying to kill me.

That's it.