Method One is to get out of the situation as fast as humanly possible. One of my most prominent traits is one that I am neither proud of nor hateful toward, it's just part of me, and that trait is bluntness; also known as being brutally honest without regard for emotional or social consequence. As I wrote that out I realize I probably should hate that trait, but I don't. When I am put into a situation that requires me to have a verbal exchange with a stupid person, this trait tends to rear it's ugly head fairly swiftly. In order to avoid the unfortunate consequences of insulting this person (however amusing it might be) I think one should attempt to find a way out of the conversation as quickly as possible. Let's be honest, the best way to survive an argument with a stupid person is to not start the argument in the first place. Avoid the inevitable. Common excuses like the need to get to class, the need to use the washroom, or the need to call your grandmother are all acceptable; however more creative excuses like the need to feed your pet iguana, the need to see a doctor about a rash of the nether-regions, or the need to have your aura cleansed by a shaman, would be unique and therefore more likely to be percieved as true by the stupid person. Although it wouldn't be hard to pull the wool over their eyes, as they are in fact, stupid.
Method Two is to politely correct any mistake(s) in a reasonable and rational manner. My explanation of Method Two might be scattered and unruly as I have never been successful in the execution of this method. I'm just not nice enough to pull it off without laughing halfway through and exclaiming, "I'm sorry, I can't do this, you're a moron." But here's how it might be done, if someone has the chops to see it through. Start with the word "actually", that will probably work. Then follow with the facts (whether it's grammar, scientific (physical, biological, psychological, or social) trivia, or just logical sense in general). I think this method could get quite frustrating if you encounter an individual with an astronomical level of stupidity, what with correcting nearly everything they say, and it might provoke violence or catty backtalk on their part. You'll also be seen as a "know-it-all" and that just won't do. If you get into an argument with a stupid person, this method might be the last resort. Stupid people can be quite stubborn in their ways, and many will refuse to be seen as wrong in fear that they will lose pride, "cred", or (in the male species' case) testosterone. Stupid and stubborn is an unfortunate combination. Rationality does not exist with these people. By trying to correct someone who really does not want to be corrected, you are just setting yourself up for unhappiness (and lots of yelling). I guess I can only recommend this method for use on occassions when their misinformation could be damaging to their perception of the world on a grand scale, and thus possibly detrimental to the society that interacts with them. If their only fault is that they think Chaka Khan is a buddhist prophet, I suggest you let it go and possibly go with this next method.
Method Three is to let them believe that they are right. Other than running away, this is the best way to leave the conversation unscathed. You will not have enlightened the stupid person or made the world any better, but you will live to see another day of avoiding idiocy. You know you are right, they think they are right, and the pendulum returns to it's monotonous swing. However, if you are one of those people who can't leave an argument without ensuring that the other person knows you are the one in the right, this method might be rather difficult for you. I should know. I used to be one of you. I healed myself cold turkey, but there are groups you can join in order to rid yourself of this frustrating habit. It only causes you pain. Once you learn how to live with the fact that there really is no changing the stupid person's mind no matter how beautifully thought out your argument was, you will become a more balanced person. Or at least less likely of developing an ulcer, if that's any consolation.
There is a Method Four, but I should say up front that I don't recommend it. I used this for years (and still do when my Method Three mantra fails me), but it never gained me any friends. It's what happens when I can't walk away fast enough. This method involves informing the stupid person that they are, in fact, stupid. It will be followed by them falling into the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), but rarely does anyone actually make it past the denial stage. Instead they will just hate you. That or think you're joking and laugh it off. They are lucky they're so stupid. Life must be so much easier. Anyways, I don't recommend it. Let's face it, it's just mean.
I am going to conclude this guide with a short scene that is a completely true story that happened to me a few years ago, and should be an example of what not to do. The individuals shall remain anonymous, obviously.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY
JACKIE, FRIEND, and ANONYMOUS are walking through the hallway near the end of a spare period on a typical day at high school. They take their time, stopping to look at old graduation photos from years past. They stop at the one from 1973.
ANONYMOUS
Why do they look so weird?
None of them are smiling.
FRIEND
Yeah, I guess it's kinda odd.
ANONYMOUS
Maybe it's because photography had only
just been invented and they weren't
used to having their picture taken.
Jackie blinks slowly.
Friend stifles laughter.
Anonymous grins obliviously.
JACKIE
Are you serious?
ANONYMOUS
What?
JACKIE
These are from 1973.
ANONYMOUS
Yeah?
JACKIE
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...
ANONYMOUS
What?!
JACKIE
You're an idiot.
Method One would be my option of choice. Nothing beats a clean, hasty, courteous excape. Bow out gracefully esplaining, ‘as much as I enjoy arguing with idiots, I’ve got to go somewhere and fart’.
ReplyDeleteMethod two is an exercise in futility. No thank you very much!!
Method three?? The best I could manage in this scenario would be a sarcastic, and curt “Yeah … Whatever!!!” as I pace off into the distance.
Method four is killer, an option adequate for a complete stranger with whom you’ve no desire of further contact. Although, if this person has something you might be in need of, gag on option two until this need has bin fulfilled.
I’ve a friend of many years who is so adamant in his belief that birds and waterfowl are cold blooded creatures that I have given up tryin ta edify his idiot azz.
“Yeah .. Whatever!!!” *grins … *