Saturday, June 18, 2011

Comedy Articles: A Guide to Writing Bullshit

This will probably be the most ironic article you will ever read.

Me, giving others advice on how to bullshit your way through writing a comedy article on something you know absolutely nothing about. It's like your ugly friend giving you tips on how to keep creepy guys from hitting on you. "Thanks for the help, sista. I'll just hang out with you."

Like I said, the most ironic article ever.

Because I'm usually the ugly friend.

Anyways, allow me to walk you through this atrocity.

Step One: Pick a Topic

The point of this article is to help you write an article you know nothing about, so let's assume by now that you've exhausted all of your pointless knowledge on articles you've already written; including that ever-popular one that lists all of the reasons why Wheatley is awesome in Portal 2.

My advice for choosing an unfamiliar topic, is to choose one that you think will generate a fair amount of traffic. It's pointless to work on an article for longer than you normally would if no one's going to read it. Chances are no one will read it anyway, but why subtract from zero when you can just as easily add. Also, choose something that you can think of a few puns for. No one will respect you for puns, but if it's all you have... Well, if you're having fun, that's all that counts. *grin*

Step Two: Do Some Research

Yes, research. Don't expect to just start writing and all of this info will just "flow". This isn't 2196, there is no Google-brain interface you can download crap to just by thinking about it. I will still teach you how to "bullshit" an article, but you must know the basics on your topic before you start or your readers (even the stupid ones) will see right through you.

Just do a quick skim through Wikipedia and the like. Seriously, if you're already so far into this project that you're reading my ridiculous (and likely completely unhelpful) guide, you can spend a few more moments skimming one more webpage. Put down that burrito. Good stuff. Now we're getting somewhere. While you're at it do a few sit-ups, you could use them. Self-improvement. Think about it.

Step Three: Get Into It

Here's the most important part. Get into the mind of someone who is really into your topic. If you're already a writer of sorts, you should already know how to do this. Although it is easier to "write what you know", you can't always do that. If I did that, all I would have is several short stories about navigational frustration, using proper grammar, burning grilled cheese sandwiches, and the benefits of talking to one's self.

My point is, if you're writing about Barbara Streisand in her "Memories" era, you should get into the mindset of a 55 year old gay man. Think like your subject matter experts. Be the article. Once you do this, you're set. Set like a vet on a jet using a Gillette after you get a pet that's wet and you forget your debt and fret. Like poetry, that. Let the bullshitting begin.

Step Four: Write Good

Yeah.

Writing comedy is very difficult. Writing comedy about something foreign is even more so. For every one line someone chuckles at, there are ninety thousand others that people smirk and think "I see what they were going for there. I'm sure it was funny in their head, but it just didn't really translate. I think they need to focus their energies on something more like that last line about confusing the hand soap and the hand lotion. That was slightly humourous." Well, or something along those lines. One person's funny is another person's confused eyebrow raise.

If I could give one tip for writing comedy, it would be this. Be very specific. I wish I could give you a new example, but that is a recipe for disappointment. However, I will refer you to a sentence from earlier. I wrote a sentence that referred to the character of Wheatley from the video game Portal 2. Now I didn't have to mention that fictional example of an article, but using a specific instance of something (real or not) is much more effective than saying "Yeah, you've written stuff before. It was about stuff you knew information about. Try something else." I know absolutely nothing about Portal 2, or any video games for that matter. Case in point.

If you aren't sure you can be funny. Just switch your intent. Write a serious article. Perhaps you will impart some of your actual wisdom upon people with your killer intelligence and talent for communication.

Like me.

Oh, who am I kidding...

Maybe I should just tell a dick joke.
I don't know any.

1 comment:

  1. There’s a certain satisfaction in posting, regardless of subject, if’n ya feel you might elicit a couple ‘a wee chortles from the precious few who may take time to read.
    Dick who?? … Oh, wait. I get it!! ;)

    ReplyDelete