Confidence Man

It has happened, ladies and gentlemen. It has finally... happened.

I knew it happened to other people, I've seen it happen on TV, but it has never happened to me.
Until now.
To be honest, it makes me feel special. It makes me feel like someone chose me, and it makes me feel utterly... utterly... special.
I have finally been the target of a money scam. A con. A beautiful attempt at swindling.
Being the keenly intelligent individual that I am saved me from falling victim to said scam, but it was entertaining to be involved in.

I got an e-mail from someone using the address of NoD Magazine, a literary magazine run through the University of Calgary. They have my e-mail address because of communications I had with them previously, and this crafty hacker managed to use it. So, obviously, I opened the e-mail that I thought was from the magazine, but upon reading it I emitted a satisfied chuckle at the fact that I - yes, me - had been sent a con e-mail. Here is the e-mail of which I speak (I have not altered the wording, grammar, or spelling in any way):


Good morning,

How are you doing? Hope all is well with you and family, I know this might be a surprise to you but I am sorry I didn't inform you about my traveling to Scotland for a Seminar . It was so Urgent and I just have to be at the seminar. Please I want to confide in you and I want it private between us because I don’t want my other family members or friends to get worried over this predicament of mine. I was attacked on my way to the hotel I lodged, although I wasn't hurt because I complied immediately but my mobile phone and luggage were stolen. What bothered me most is my Cards but I have called the card company and blocked my cards and I have also been to the embassy to reschedule my flight. Aside these, I need to sort out some vital issues including my bills.

Please I need financial assistance. I would like you to help me with £1,400 pounds or any amount you could afford. I will refund you upon my arrival back home. Let me know if you would be able to help me with the money or any amount you could afford. If you will be able to help me with the money then you can go to the nearest western union outlet or into any nearest bank and use the western union money transfer service to transfer the money to me directly. Below are the details you will need to make the transfer on my name at the Western union office. After the transfer, just email me the money transfer control number [MTCN] on the receipt. I will be able to receive the money here immediately with my passport. Also do let me know how you want me to pay you back so I can make the arrangements to get it to you as soon as I get back home.

Name: Kye Kocher
Address: Worsley Park - Worsley Manchester,
M28 2QT United Kingdom

Looking forward to your positive response.

Kye


Wasn't that simply luminous with enough exquisite, devastating, and delectable gorgeousness as to render the very princess of ravishing beauteousness speechless? Yes, I think so too.

My favourite aspect, I think, is the wording. He writes as if he knows me, or I'm supposed to recognize his name from somewhere (which I don't). Like he cares about my family. Psh. He even nicely asks me to keep his little predicament a secret. Sorry, bro. Looking forward to my positive response? What response is that? One where I don't send him a debilitating computer virus?

I figured Mr. Kocher (what an ironic name) wouldn't mind me sharing his name and address with the "world", seeing as it's surely fake. There's not even a number on his address. I suppose the postman will deliver it to the middle of Worsley Park and he'll just be there. I had an enormous urge to respond to this email, but I realized it would just get sent to the NoD Magazine address and they would be bewildered and perhaps put-off by my tone (one of anger and curiosity, with a hint of amused gratitude).

Now all I can hope for you, darling friends, is that you should one day be as lucky as me. Lucky enough to recieve such a finely crafted specimen of con-artistry, yet smart enough to ignore it completely.

Bon, il faut que je parte.