Running From Short Sleeves

Forgive me readers for I have fallen behind, it's been a month since my last post. While I don't really have any excuses other than the fact that I've been doing other things (not more important, not less, just other) and I haven't had many interesting things to blog about. I also don't feel particularly bad about it.

I think a few witty remarks, an anecdote or two, and a cool video should absolve me of my neglect.

So spring is upon us, and while many people think of this as a joyous time with no school, running through sprinklers, going on sunny vacations, unattractive men feeling the need to wear no shirts, and waking up to the sun instead of an alarm clock. For me, though, this hot weather is only a symbol of the season where I can no longer cover myself in layers of winter clothing and I am forced to wear (I can't even say it without gagging on my own saliva)... short sleeves! Oh the humanity! My crippling self-consciousness always comes into full bloom and it doesn't help when stick figures wearing only a bandana and a smile parade proudly by.

Anyways, here's a video:



Here's another one:



So what am I into at the moment, you ask? Well, thank you for asking, your interest in my life is very flattering and only slightly unsettling.

I have formed a keen interest in soap operas, as you already know, and my fascination has somewhat grown. I've progressed from watching the American soap "As The World Turns", to the British soap "Hollyoaks", to the German soap "Verbotene Liebe". I think my fascination stems from how (despite being from various countries) they all seem to work from the same playbook/formula, all while making it so incredibly addicting at the same time. They are laughable and overly dramatic, but strangely entertaining. Don't judge me.

Oh and spring session has started. I have prepared my soul for complete and total extraction by the end of this semester.

Douleur.

Oh Ray, How You Light Up My Day

So, I'm officially in love with Ray LaMontagne. He's a brilliant singer/songwriter/guitar player and his songs are so moving. I can't really even describe it, so I'll let you experience it for yourself. Here's one of my favourite songs by him, "Jolene" (and no, it's not the Dolly Parton song):



I also have three new entries,

Stupid Things My Mom Says! Quote #3:

Mom (trying to get me to drink a flat pop): "Shake it up and it'll bubble-ize."

Quote #4:

Mom (as my sister is doing homework): "Just keep your brain moving, that's the point of math."

Quote #5:

Mom (during a bad blizzard): "The house moves with the wind."

All of these comments were followed immediately by a fully expressive "WTF" face on my part.

OK, I guess that's it.

Oh, and school is done for this semester! Woot woot! Until spring session, my worthy adversary, we shall meet again dear University...

Woosh.

Apparently, I Used To Be Skinny

Glee's back on the air this week! So exstatic. Watching it at the moment as a matter of fact.
Then why am I blogging? Commerical break.

This week is also an awesome week for my soap! By soap I mean the soap opera that I watch, As The World Turns. I don't mean that my Dove cleansing bar has suddenly gained some self-confidence and won the lottery. Anyways, my two favourite characters on my soap are getting together this week and I cannot WAIT for this Thursday!

One of the characters that I love is Dr. Reid Oliver, played by the marvelous Eric Sheffer Stevens (pictured below).



I also need to add an entry to the Stupid Things My Mom Says! section. This time it's not so much a stupid thing:

Stupid Things My Mom Says! Quote #2:

Mom (while looking at old photos): "Wow, Jackie. You used to be so skinny!"

Thanks mom, thanks a lot.
Appreciate it...

Here's a video of a song I like. I saw them on Jimmy Fallon, but the album version is much better. "Beat The Devil's Tattoo" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club:




OK, this was a short post. Chat with y'all later. I'm off to squee about Glee and my soap and try not to think about the pages and pages of film analysis I have to write this week.

Shazam.

Why Can't I Own A Canadian?

See, I told you. It's been approximately a month since my last post and it was completely unintentional.

So, I have a few things I wanna chit chat about.

A few weeks ago, on St. Patrick's Day to be exact (hence the strange Google logo), I was playing around with Google's tendency to suggest topics as you type in your search. I had merely typed in the word "why" and this is what Google suggested to me:



There are two major things that boggle my mind about this whole picture:

1. I have to wonder how many people out there are actually so frustrated by their failed ventures into the Canadian buying business that they are resorting to Google to attempt to find out what they are doing wrong. I have a message for these sociopathic entrepreneurs; we Canadians may not have all the self-esteem in the world, but we certainly have enough self-respect not to be bought by some crazy foreigner. Slavery ended 150 years ago. Deal with it. 'Nuff said.

2. I was completely unaware that there is a stereotype that Canadian's are collectively afraid of the dark. How could I possibly have missed this? As far as stereotypes go, this is by far one of the strangest that has been attached to Canadians (along with living in igloos and eating polar bear meat), and seems like a completely ridiculous mass cultural trait. I happen to know for a fact that this is false (as are 95% of all Canadian stereotypes; except that we all love hockey, that's pretty much true). Not that there aren't certain Canadians out there that are afraid of the dark, but they absolutely not in the majority and there aren't more of them in Canada than in any other country.

Anyways, speaking of Canadians. Here is a film (that won the Academy Award for Best Animated Short in the year of its release) made by one of Canada's leading CG animators, Chris Landreth, about another influential animator from the '60's, Ryan Larkin. Amazing film! Take note of the awesome thermos that Ryan keeps his alcohol in. It's awesome, I want one.

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce a new section of my blog that I will probably feature in later posts. It is inspired by the website crazythingsparentssay.com, which is a really funny website where people post the stupid and ridiculous things their parents say, obviously. This new section is called: Stupid Things My Mom Says! I would like to include a disclaimer: My mom will try and discredit the quotes given in this new section in order to save face. Do not believe her. Sometimes she doesn't know the ridiculous (though hilarious) power of her own words. I will recite the quotes verbatim, no matter how unbelievable they sound. Mom, if you're reading this, you know what you've said. OK, here we go:

Stupid Things My Mom Says! Quote #1:

Mom: "Breathing cold air through your mouth hurts your lungs more than breathing through your nose because it has a shorter distance to travel to your lungs."

I know... I don't even need to say it, do I? Nope.

The next thing I want to talk about is a simple 7 point list that I came up with on the bus while lip synching to a few songs on my iPod (as you do). It occurred to me that lip synching can look really good and really realistic, or it can look ridiculous. So, in that moment of boredom, I came up with this list; just in case you find yourself in an important lip synching situation (which undoubtedly happens to everyone at least once in their life):

7 Things To Remember In Order to Master The Art of Lip Synching

1. Know the lyrics (and their placement within the music) to your song of choice like the back of your hand, backwards and forwards, inside and out, and any other cliches you can think of. Nothing looks more unnatural than stuttering over your words or vague lip movements that could be saying anything.

2. "Sing" ahead of the actual singer. When forming words, our mouths move in preparation for making the sound before the sound is actually heard. Same goes for singing. That's why it's important to know the lyrics perfectly because you need to be ever so slightly ahead of the singer when lip synching.

3. Wider does not equal louder. If the singer is belting it out, it doesn't mean you need to stretch your mouth as wide as it can go during those big notes. It will look crazy unnatural.

4. We do not need to see it on your face, especially in your jaw, when the singer is doing runs or vibrato. When a singer is singing technically correct (with vibrato) or just trying to be soulful (runs), neither of these things is done externally with the jaw, they are done with the vocal cords. Do not flap your jaw up and down or distort your lips to match their little riff, it will look unnatural and just plain silly.

5. Don't over-anunciate. Just move your mouth as if you were having a casual conversation with someone. When in doubt, just look up the artist on YouTube for some live performances. Unless they are an uber-performer and go over-the-top, chances are they are not hammering on every consonant.

6. If the song you have chosen has more than one singer, or has back-up vocals, just choose one vocal track to follow. Nothing looks more unnatural than cutting off one vocal track to synch to a second one that overlaps or is simultaneous with the first one. Just don't do it.

7. Here's a secret trick. Put on lip chap (you too guys). It will prevent your lips from sticking together while lip synching and it won't become a distraction for you or any potential spectators. It also prevents any awkward lip-licking situations...

BONUS: A common misconception is that guys can only lip synch to songs sung by guys and girls can only lip synch to songs sung by girls. This is total and utter bollocks. I sing along to Coldplay, Michael Buble, and Frank Sinatra all the time, and if there are any guys out there who have the cajones to lip synch to Lady Gaga, I say more power to you!

Well, I hope I helped someone with that. I have a feeling I did. Somewhere out there. Yes.

Until next time!

Ta-Ta

Just Think of All That You've Missed

Oh boy, I am sincerely sorry for keeping all of you (aka none of you) anxiously waiting for my posts because they are so essential for a healthy existence on this planet, but I quess I've been too busy for you all (aka you none). That is probably a relatively unfair and irresponsible thing to say as I am the one who created this blog and vowed (somewhat) to keep up the posts and to fill your life's every blog need.

OK, moving on. If you aren't going to dwell, neither am I, and since you don't exist, I say you aren't going to dwell.

When I was at work a couple of days ago, a vaguely interesting thought floated past my consciousness. What if one of these thousands of coins and bills that I am counting have, at some point, been in the possession of a celebrity. Not boring celebrities like politicians, but music and movie star celebrities and such (because they are so much more important). Then I thought, so what if they have? Does it really make that much of a difference? They are just people like everyone else, they are just widely recognizable because of their career choice. They need to spend money just like the rest of us, just a lot more of it. The fact that they have a lot more of it just proves my point as they are more likely to have come in contact with more of it.

Now, this also makes me think about those sad souls sitting at home on their Dell laptops with the Marvin-the-Martian decals and anxiously staring at the screen hoping that no one will outbid them on eBay for that 5 dollar bill that supposedly once sat in the palm of Michael Jackson or John Lennon. It would save them the money and the ulcer pain if they just opened their wallet and pulled out a fiver of their own. Chances are it touched someone famous, even if it's just one of the Wu Tang Clan or a former guest star on Days of Our Lives.

Your chances of randomly acquiring a "celeb-touched" bill or coin is greatly increased if you happen to be in the New York or Los Angeles areas, but thats just being in the right place at the right time.

Lately, I've really been into this website:
www.11points.com
I'm telling you, I've never laughed so hard at a comedy website. My personal favourite is "11 Things The Bible Bans but We Do Anyway". I only hope that one day I can write comedy the way Sam Greenspan does on 11 Points, it's certainly a gift.

When I was at work (wow, a lot of my strange blog ideas come to me when I'm at work... creative result of boredom? I think so...) I randomly started singing along to Leona Lewis's "Bleeding Love" which was on the radio at the time, and it was only after the song was over that I realized I was singing along with it and remembered just how much I hate that song. Then I started thinking about other songs that I severely hate but sing along to subconsciously merely because I know all of the words due to gross radio overexposure. I came up with this list:

- Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love"
- Miley Cyrus - "The Climb"
- John Mayer - all of his songs... especially "Say"
- Taylor Swift - all of her songs... all of them

There's probably more, but that's a relatively complete list as of now.

Now, I have to catch up on giving you my newly discovered music, and I've got some good stuff this time.

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man



Also check out: "Winter Winds" and "The Cave"

The Script - Break Even



Also check out: "The Man Who Can't Be Moved", "We Cry", "Talk You Down", and "Before the Worst"

Noah and the Whale - Blue Skies



Also check out: "5 Years Time"

Jason Mraz - The Remedy (Live)



Jason Mraz - I'm Yours (Live)



Live because Jason Mraz can only be fully appreciated when he's live.
Also check out: "You and I Both" and "Wordplay"

The Feeling - Never Be Lonely



Also check out: "Join With Us"

There you go, hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!

Off to finish watching "Chocolat", playing Bubble Spin, and pondering what to have for lunch. Multi-tasking is the way of the future. Better start practicing.
Talk to you again in another month. Just kidding. Or am I? No.

Maybe.

No Business

Greetings.
I'm not officially blogging at the moment, I merely wish to share with you a poem that I wrote during Creative Writing class last night (and yes, I did in fact write it).
As silly and stupid as it is, I'm quite proud of it.

Here goes:

Show Business
by Me

If there's no business like show business,
then why aren't we all famous?
If no low business or or slow business
can compete with show business,
why is there other business at all?
If everyone was in show business,
show business would be no business,
because there would be nobody
to show the business to.
The many other businesses
that make show business possible,
form the audience half of show business,
and make it cry and laughable.

See, I told you it was silly!
Oh, and I would like to remind all readers (all none of you...) that I will be leaving for a cruise on this friday and will not be returning until sunday of the following week. Yes, I plan on enjoying myself and won't be thinking about this blog at all... much...

Bon voyage!

No Longer Missing-In-Action

Alright, I don't need to hear any of it. I know I haven't posted anything in like... 2 months but here is my excuse (no matter how lame it may seem).
December was a crazy month, I could barely do anything besides write the five essays and 3 exams that were due within a 3 week span. Then was Christmas (which was awesome as usual, but also as usual, I'm not gonna go into it). Now, all of January I was either away at the cabin or preparing for school.
Lame, I know.

But I'm back now! That's all that really matters I guess right?
Now, what did I do while I was gone (aside from school and Christmas)?
Let's go through the rounds...

- I was into a soap opera for a while (As The World Turns to be exact), and that lasted for a bit (and I still occassionally watch it if I'm at home when it's on) but they are low quality "entertainment" and quite boring and cliche (among other things), so my quality entertainment needs were not being met. It's still fun to watch occassionally to giggle at.

- Now, however, I am in love with a new television series. It's honestly one of (if not the) best shows I've ever seen! It's five seasons ran on Showtime/Showcase from 2000-2005 and it's incredible. It certainly satisfies the quality entertainment section of my basic needs. So I've bought some of the seasons of this show and have been watching them, having initially seen the entire series on showcase.ca (I love living in Canada).


- I've also been playing The Beatles: Rock Band, which is very fun. I like it better than regular Rock Band actually, because I know most of the songs and I can play a lot of them on expert guitar. Yes, I'm a Rock Band geek, get over it.

I've also thought up a question for my general (non-existant) readership, and this is it:

Dear male population of the world,

I know this has probably been asked many times before without a definitive answer, but I would like to ask it again.
Why exactly do you (as a collective male species) find the need (or even just the want) to spit on the sidewalks? It is a most disgusting habit, and I am not entirely sure why all (or at least most) males do it. Do you think it adds somehow to your masculinity that you have the cajones to desecrate a public walkway? Or perhaps is it a biological compulsion among all creatures with higher testosterone levels? Is it impossible for you to swallow, perhaps? I'm not sure, but it is a most puzzling conundrum, and I certainly wouldn't miss it if it never happened again.
Take note, male species, take note.

Sincerely,
Jackie

There. I've said it. It's out there. Now do something about it...

Well, tomorrow I am supposed to be starting on a new diet and exercise plan. I'm mostly doing this because I may or may not have said I would join my mom and aunt on their diet and exercise plan. I guess I could possibly benefit from this, so I'm not fighting it (much).

Oh, and hopefully sometime I will get around to catching up with my e-mail correspondence. Dear correspondants, how I apologize to you. There really only is one, and you know who you are!

Anyways, I'm done for this entry and I promise to start back up with regular posts (for those who actually care which is nobody). Boy, do I feel special.

Folk.